Sunday, 25 November 2012

Ode to Kippers by Idgie the Cat

Ode to Kippers
by Idgie the Cat
Ooo the waft of kippers,
Hot under the grill for me,
Joy of the smokey kippy,
And a steamy mug of tea.
Fishy oils are healthy,
Good source of vitamin D,
Super for my tabby joints,
For springing up a tree.
Kippers give you a brain booster,
Eco friendly in the sea,
So go on - have a kipper.. two..or three!

Sunday, 28 October 2012

Jemmy Justice

Good evening dearest friends, I do hope you are all having a lovely weekend.

We heard that one of our friends known as Mrs O had a bit of bother in her motor on Friday night. Some low-life scrag end in a red bus went and walloped her car in the dark and then the scoundrel bloomin' well left her without stopping!

Well dear readers that news got straight back to Jemmy Jim Jams the Mafia Godmother. It got right on her whiskers I can tell you and it didn't take long for the news to filter out across the bunny manor. Every little woolly creature, every flapper, chirper and nibbler was instructed as priority to find the bus.

Jemmy was hopping along yesterday when a little birdie informant flapped over and had a little chirp in the Mafia Godmothers ear'ole...

Jemmy dispatched her two top Ninjas. She got them two black woolly pulley jerseys from the Army and Navy stores and blimey it was itchy!

Atticus was sent off with a jug of that lethal explosive potato schnappsie and some wires and we were sent hot paw over to see Mrs O with the 'RED BUTTON'.

Paddy O'Sullivan, the woofet who gets fed by Mrs O let the Ninjas in the back door where we met Mrs O who mysteriously guessed who we were despite our new Ninja masks and jerseys!

We gave her the red control button which was sent with love from all The Kit Kat Gang and Jemmy.

Justice dear friends will always be delivered in this blog....

Watch your whiskers out there and take good care -Taa taa for now.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Ooo No - Not Trixie Mixie !

Good Morning dearest friends, make yourselves a cuppa tea and put your paws up - I'll tell you what happened to me yesterday.

Its been so damp n' nippy do-dah on the paws. I'd got all warm and settled under my tartan blanket to watch TV. I was just about to sipsey my tea and snaffle a brandy snap when I heard a little voice.

It was one of those little wild brown moon worshipping bunnies from The Clumps. He had been running so fast I could hardly make out what he was saying but then I picked out the awful words... 'Trixie Mixie!'.

I am too young to have witnessed the last outbreak of Trixie Mixie but Old Atticus told me its the most deadliest diseases to hit rabbits . I grabbed my first aid kit and went hot paw to 'The Clumps'. As I approached the wood I could hear the bongo drums and rabbits everywhere were wailing and swaying little lanterns.

There was a huge queue of rabbits of all sizes and ages circling 'The Clumps' and waiting in turn to see Boo Boo Massou the Mystical Healer at her little round hut.

I shot in via the back door and poor Boo Boo Massou was frazzled with exhaustion. Her conker necklace was all twizzled up and her headdress feathers all wonky. She said " Oh Idgie, I've run out of medicinal potions, berries and crystals - I'm down to the last drip of sloe gin and that's for me!"

I'd never seen Boo Boo Massou so worried and it was complete pandemonium outside - mass hysteria had swept through 'The Clumps'. All the rabbits from miles around were knocking on Boo Boo Massous door for a miracle cure.

Now I have to say dear readers these little bunnies are a bit prone to being overly dramatic and it just takes one to have a flip out and flash a white fluffy tail and it causes the lot of them to bounce all over the wood.

I eyed up the queue and quickly noted that not one of the bunnies had any symptoms of Trixi Mixie, yet they were all very vocal and convinced they'd got it!!

So I made my way along the queue questioning rabbits as I wanted to trace the source of the hysteria...the first of the rabbits were saying  its Trixie Mixie....further down the queue was Poxy Flopsie....further along it was Quicksie Plopsie....then Lumpy Bumpy...then...Fluffled Snuffles...and at last I approached the end where the symptoms had changed to Coughin'-Frothin'!

In a small hut I found the only little rabbit to look poorly in bed frothing and coughing, his fur all gluey and his eyes wide with fright.

Do not fear dear readers - I knew what was wrong with him straight away and No it is not Trixie Mixie. It turned out that a few bunnies had been playing conkers with The Piglet Possy. For a laugh I expect one of those naughty piglets gave this wild bunny a Sherbert Fiz Bomb Sweet. It is well known that you must NEVER EVER give a Sherbert Fiz Bomb to a rabbit as it makes um go pop eyed and froth at the chops.

I gave the little bunny a glass of water and Boo Boo Massoue got a soapy flannel and washed all the sherberty glue off his fur and ear 'oles. He was soon feeling a lot better!

Calm came to the Clumps and on my way back home I had a quiet word with the Piglets GODMOTHER about the Sherbert Fiz Bomb incident.

Don't believe everything you hear as it may turn out to be a curly pig tale!! Taa Taa for now.

Monday, 22 October 2012

Allo Allo Humphrey

Good Afternoon dearest blog readers and thank you very much for tuning into the tabby whisker waves - I do hope you are all very well.

The leaves are changing colour and the mists and mystical mushrooms be popping up in abundance. The Kit Kat Gang have been out in the fields looking for giant mushrooms and puff balls.

Atticus checks all of them before we pick 'um for snaffling, as some mushrooms can duff you in if you're not watching your whiskers out there!

I looked anxiously towards the reinforced bunny bunker door whilst helping Angus find field mushrooms.  Jemmy Jim Jams, the Mafia Godmother had withdrawn underground in a depressed state which tends to occur when the summer fizzles out.

Jemmy had been chuntering a lot and was disappointed after discovering skulduggery against her and the bunny business (gulp). There was no alternative than to plant more spring bulbs in a big hole... on the's always lovely to have a splash of jolly colour in the spring says Jemmy...

I hadn't seen Jemmy for about four days since then. I know the poor potato crop had affected the business figures up at The Chippy and the Tatty Schnappsie fuel supply was at an all time low....Jemmy was quite tearful and plummeted into bumberly depths.

Being in a bunker surrounded by grenades, rocket launchers, spears and swords cant be healthy for a small bunny rabbit even though she is The Mafia Godmother of all rabbits.

I scampered my tabby body over to see Mama Morrello the founder of the Morrello Cherry Liqueur Business and Ice Cream Queen for advise as she would relate to the bunny business bother. We knocked at the Bunker door and Jemmy didn't answer. Mama Morrello told me not to worry...she may be grey whiskered and a bit blurry in the eyeballs but she's sharp as a tack under that cardigan and soon picked all the intricate complex locks to reach my boss.

She said.." Now Jemmy, will you put that axe down,... it's not good to shut yourself away and think in the past or in the dark - NO!! Come out in to the daylight!!".

Jemmy hopped out of the bunker and was proud to see us all busy mushrooming. Mama Morrello squeezed Jems paw and pointed towards the pumpkin field which was ready for harvest. Jemmy then saw Alleron the Llama charging up and down protecting the Jim Jams Christmas Tree Plantation. Ahhrrr HOPE grew in Jems heart!

Suddenly the Coq au Vin Taxi came up the Mudflinger Barn Track.

"Allo Allo", shouted the taxi driver in his best French accent. "I 'ave a visitor for you"! Jemmy grinned, the Cockerel wasn't really French dear readers, he was from Hackney but had recently been released from Nutsville for fighting. Jem had set him up in a Taxi service and it was working out rather well.

The back door of the Coq au Vin Taxi swung open to reveal crates of Champagne and Humphrey!
Jemmy had know Humphrey ever since he was a tiny ball of fluff. Jem quickly realised that Humphrey had many talents and tip-top taste buds for grapes. He now runs the Jim Jam Vineyard in France.

Humphrey was a distant relative of the Jim Jams Family but some curious encounter generations back with a ginger furred Hare had given him speedy paws, excellent ear'oles and gingery fluff. He proudly presented Jemmy with the Annual Report and a Gold Champagne Award.

So all is well dear friends, watch your whiskers out there and Taa Taa.

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Prickly Business

Good Evening dearest blog readers. Thank you very much indeed for tuning into my tabby whisker waves, I do hope you are all tickerty-boo.

Hedgehogs... dear friends need a bit of help at the moment as... how can I say it ...they are a few sandwiches short of a picnic if you follow my tabby drift. They don't understand you gotta leg it if a car is coming, they panic you see and roll into a spiky ball. Big hedgehogs have got 5,000 spiny prickles but that just ain't no defence against a car! Some humans think its helpful to put out milk and bread for them but that's real bad for um! They eat slugs n snails n beetly fings...they do appreciate a dollop of dog or cat food though to help um when its cold. They be nocturnal and up for snaffling n raving, singing n dancing all night and they all get their kip in their nests in the day time. If you see a dozie one out in the sunshine he be poorly and needs to get to the hospital.

Jemmy Jim Jams the mafia Godmother has been busy flogging Accident Compensation 'No Win - No Fee' legal support to hedgehogs and is taking a percentage of the claims..

After visiting one of her prickly clients with Atticus -  Jemmy took a short cut across the fields and went past Sandy Hollow where there is a network of old abandoned Badger Setts. I expect you remember a while back we airlifted all our Badgers away to safety at a top secret location. You can imagine its a bit creepy at Sandy Hollow now as its all derelict but Jemmy is a tough ol bunny and scared of nuffink.

Suddenly Bella Badger appeared and Jemmy did a back flip with alarm! Jemmy said .."Blimey Bella, have you gawn out of your mind, it ain't safe no more out ere for Badgers!?"

Bella explained she had only popped back because there was a vast area of brambles and the biggest juiciest blackberries to be had and she couldn't resist sneaking about foraging for the delicious fruit.
Jemmy tasted a big blackberry and sure enough dear readers -it was indeed lovely. The bunny boss said

"Bella Badger these blackberries are the best but they ain't worth being shot for! NO!Come on you crazy fing , lets go down to the bunker and I'll find you a disguise!"

Later that afternoon I was working in Gizzy Whizzies garage when a stranger shuffled in wearing a giant parker jacket with the hood zipped right up. Gizzy and I were suspicious. Gizzy picked up a big spanner and waited for the parker jacket to speak...

Well we soon discovered the talking Parker Jacket was Bella Badger! Jemmy had sent her to us as the Mafia boss wanted all the Kit Kat Gang to get picking blackberries! Jemmy wanted Blackberry Jam and Blackberry pie and Blackberry this n Blackberry that to sell n snuffle! So we all went off with the walking Parker Jacket and got busy in the brambles...

We picked LOTS and LOTS! Obviously I tasted quite a few to check they were tip-top quality. Here is what happened to our paws....

Gizzy, me, Angus and Tatty were so blackberry purple by night time we all had to have a bath!

Bella was moved by darkness to Boo Boo Massous hut at the Clumps for a blackberry supper with the Moon Worshipping bunnies still wearing her parker jacket. If you think Bella shouldn't be shot as she hasn't got TB, she's just a blackberry collecting badger please sign the e-petition to save her!

Jemmy Jim Jams made a big blackberry meringue at the bunker to share with Katya Hoppenorf the greatest rabbit spy.

I personally cannot face anymore blackberries today as I may have sampled n snaffled too many.

Watch your whiskers out there and may you all sleep safely in your nests tonight.


Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Curiosity (nearly) Killed the Cat

Good Afternoon dearest blog readers, thank you for returning to my little tabby blog. I do hope you are all very well and I sincerely apologise for being off the whisker waves for so long. Go make yourselves a cuppa tea and I'll tell you where I've been!

Now as you know, my boss is Jemmy Jim Jams - the Mafia Godmother. She shot out of the bunny bunker with a big bunny idea that the way upwards for 'The Bunny Business' was Space Travel! (gulp) The Kit Kat Gang all smiled and nodded (what else can you do!?).

Jemmy informed Professor Atticus and I that we would be representing Jim Jams Universal Travel and we would gain business credibility by going to....MARS! I got very excited as the Muckflinger kittens had told me recently the moon was made of cheese so it was obvious dear friends that Mars must be made of chocolate!

I was given the important job of stocking up the larder as Atticus said the journey to Mars would take a very long time.

I packed up all our favourite food. Gizzy gave me a big fruit cake that her Nanny Whizzie had kindly made for us for the journey. Paddy gave us a long string of Irish Sausages. Atticus and I cant live without Clipper Tea and smoked kippers so we packed lots of them and several packets of brandy snaps and jammy dodgers. Jemmy met a ferrety acquaintance in the pub and acquired a big fridge and also a huge bargain  stash of  tinned I made sure we also took lots off loo rolls.

Whilst Atticus engineered a Space Rocket little Gizzy speedily assembled the Control Room at Tatty Muckflingers Barn.

The day at last came for lift off and little Angus the Kitten came to the Control room with his Dad clinging to a lucky four leaf clover as heaven knows it was a dangerous and daring mission and Atticus needed all the luck we could get.

Jemmy counted down ...Five..Four...Three....Two....One.... BLAST OFF !!!

(Ooo I did feel queasy dearest friends, rocketing upwards at an alarming rate on a stomach full of bacon butty was possibly a mistake)

I'm sure you are all relieved to know that our food supplies for the journey lasted out and Atti and I landed on Mars safely. I was told by Jemmy Jim Jams to put her flag on the Planet surface as evidence that we had made it there before anyone else....

I have to tell you that I was disappointed to be very honest with you dear friends as there wasn't a single dollop of chocolate anywhere, it was all red rock and rusty coloured sand.

In fact Atti and I wanted to get back to Earth pronto because 'er what feeds me was getting married and promised us a fabulous flashy seafood supper if we got back in time to celebrate.

Just before take off I felt a bit wriggly in my seat due to all those bargain tinned pilchards and I quickly excused myself ....Shhhh...I needed to go for a tabby tiddle didn't I and all that sand looked rather like kitty litter so I dashed off for a tinkle in the great Gale Crater.

Well as I always matter where you are in the universe you need to Watch Your Whiskers Out There!

SUDDENLY your own dear Idgie the Cat quite unsuspecting any bother nearly got RUN OVER! It was only that lot from NASA with their new flashy Curiosity Rover taking rock samples! I nearly had
a kitten with fright so I legged it hot paw back to the rocket in time for take off.

Now you all know why I have been away so long but I'm back now safe and sound and will be back on the Whisker Waves very soon. Taa Taa

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Sniffles n' Snuffles

Good morning dearest blog readers, thank you very much indeed for reading my little tabby blog.

I hope you are all very well and enjoying Wimbledon, despite all this persistent rain. Rain is nice for ducks and slugs I guess but like you I expect its really getting right on your whiskers now!

As you know your own dear Idgie the Cat got roughly FLUNG out of Wimbledon Court One after being caught by a hawk-eyed security bod for selling Jim Jam Strawberries without a licence. (Whoops!)

Fortunately Gizzy Whizzie has been doing excellent trading out on Murray Mount with Strawberry Smoothies. She's been dashing about like a wild fing between the showers wearing her little Wimbledon pinny and boater. Normally I am around to help her but I've had to stay home after the kafluffle with security.

In fact it turned out that I was needed at home as 'er what feeds me went Ka-Put with a Summer Lurgy. She's been coughing and sniffly snuffling so I've been liberally squirting lurgy-bug killer about and making sure 'er doesn't wriggle out of gluggin' down the cough gloop medicine (YUK!).

Poor Gizzy has been working flat out and can even de-stalks the strawberries in her sleep!

It wasn't till Thursday afternoon that suddenly Gizzy Whizzie nearly nose dived into the washing up in the back of the Stawberry Smoothy Trailer. She got a nasty cough and tried to struggle on with the Smoothie Sales...oooo dearie me......

Jemmy Jim Jams arrived at the trailer with the next batch of strawberries only to find poor Gizzy Ka-Splat and Ka-putten in a pool of sticky strawberry slush.

Jemmy made a quick rabbity phone call to a friend in the RAF and a Sea- King rescue helicopter was sent straight to them and very soon Gizzy was tucked up safe in bed. The RAF gave Gizzy some super pyjamas and Jemmy sent a huge bunch of flowers.

I've been very busy looking after Gizzy and 'er what feed me - you need to watch your whiskers out there as there is a nasty lurgy about that's for sure, I don't want anymore of you going Ka-Splat!

Jemmy is so excited about the Wimbledon final she has switched from Strawberry Smoothie sales to Strawberry Infused Champagne. Atticus has been helping her as he has a certain sophistication and charm to shift the stock!

Keep safe and well friendly followers and Taa Taa for now.

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Caught In a Strawberry Jam

Good afternoon dearest blog readers ...

I am sorry for being off the whisker waves, we have been so busy with the strawberry picking and supplies for the tennis at Wimbledon this year. Unfortunately, this year has not gone quite as well as last years sales.

Annually, I always hoppity skippity under the noses of security and wheely dealy my tabby body around Court No.1 selling strawberries normally very successfully.

It was just rotten luck a new security fellow clocked me and chased me around the spectators seats on the opening day. I dropped my strawberry stash and vaulted onto the court, hastily circled the umpires chair but caught my back claw in the tennis net! I was roughly wrestled and rolled into a tennis towel and was carried off hissing n' spitting out of the court.

The Security fellow contacted the 'ers what feed me and there was a lot of huffing and puffing - verbal and hands on hips! I was let off eventually with a caution and told never to return!

Jemmy Jim Jams the Mafia Godmother luckily was understanding and said I better keep low for a while till the heat went off. This was a bit of a set back but Gizzy Whizzy has been flogging strawberry smoothies like a wild fing on Murray Mount and has made Jemmy a good profit.

Whilst we have all been busy with Wimbledon, Deirdre the Goat and Sebby Coo-Coo the Mafia Racing Pigeon held a Bingo Night extravaganza for the small local animals. Sebby Coo-Coo is excellent at calling out the Bingo Ball numbers. He's small and feathery but LOUD! On his way home from the Bingo Night he was flying over the Strawberry Polly-Tunnels by Tatty Mudflingers Barn. He has little beady eye balls and spotted some dodgy rats nicking the strawberries! Honestly dear readers, you need to nail everything down these days! Well Sebby landed on a window sill and started to Coo Coo Coo louder than an Air Raid Alert.

Tatty Mudflinger heard the noise straight away as he was giving the kittens their night time milk feed.

He legged it to the Rabbit Bunker door and roused Jemmy who came running along with a Bazuka Missile was just laying by the bunker door... with a few sticks of TNT and a tazer.

Sebby, Tatty and Jemmy chased the theiving rats through the strawberry polly tunnel and only one missile was fired. That was enough Jemmy thought to frighteen the whiskers off the intruders.
Jemmy was very proud of Sebby Coo-Coo and to reward him for his loud Coo Coo and Mafia Loyalty he was given a Mafia Gold Star.

Enjoy the tennis and I'll be back soon once the dust has settled - Watch your whiskers out there, taa taa for now.

Monday, 4 June 2012

Having Kittens

Good afternoon dearest blog readers, I do hope you are all having a lovely bank holiday and enjoying the Diamond Jubilee. Paddy took his boat to the Royal Flotilla Pageant yesterday. Er what feeds me got so drenched joining in the local Jubilee festivities it looked as if she had swam up the Thames. The flat looks like Madam Twankies laundry now with all the drippy coats, jeans and socks drying.

Gizzy and I have been very busy working in the garage for some time on a special Diamond Jubilee Dune Buggy and I have to say it now looks great. We were just having a little tea and jammy dodger break before giving it a test run.

Suddenly one of the Moon Worshipping Bunnies hopped breathlessly across the common with his bongo drum and revealed the Bongo Drum Communication Network had picked up a rumbling signal to say that there was an emergency up at Tatty Mudflingers Barn (gulp!). I was filled with panic as that is also the secret location of the Mafia Bunker and a stock of Schnappsie Moonshine fuel...

Gizzy and I leapt up into action fearing Jemmy had been raided. We jumped into the Jubilee Dune Buggy and sped off. Gizzy is mainly a mechanic but she is also the Mafia Kit Kat Gang get- away driver. We rocketed past the windmill on our newly fitted bouncy suspension wheels, we screeched past the Pheasant pub and accidentally got caught up in a long string of union jack bunting on our wing mirror. The route Gizzy took was off road and I turned the colour of pea soup gripping onto the reinforced roll bars. As we shot over the bumps who should appear...

Oooo No!! Its Sergeant Wilberforce with his Speed Trap Gun which looks like a big hairdryer.
 Recently dear friends I can tell you during the great deluges of rain the rivers have been flowing at an alarming rate and Sarg Wilberforce has been issuing speeding fines left, right and centre to all the ducks and geese as they zip along in the fast flowing river. This had caused many of the feathered community and small animals to have bad feeling and word has filtered back to Jemmy. She felt that some bunny bother may have to be dished out soon to Sarg Wilberforce... (gulp).

As the dune buggy bounced over the hill Sergeant Wilberforce clocked us! I knew we were in trouble then but to my horror Gizzy wildly took her paws off the steering wheel and stuck her tongue out at the Sargeant!
She blew a massive rude raspberry noise at him and then grabbing the wheel put her paw down and we shot out of Sarg Ws sight. Ooo I did feel ill and now Gizzy was deep in big bunny bumbles for sure!
We screeched to a halt outside Tatty Mudflingers barn and we charged in ready for a Mafia rumble!
Well dear blog readers...the emergency was clearly over and Tatty and Jemmy had everything under control.

WOW!!! Lavinia had given birth to four very healthy little fluffy marmalade kittens in the straw! Tatty had wrapped one in his hat and Jemmy looked all sparkly eyed cuddling the fourth and smallest one. Due to them all being born during the Royal Diamond Jubilee it was fitting they are called William, Harry, Kate and Lizzy! Ahrrrrr!

Later....I managed to tell Jemmy about the bother with Sarg Wilberforce. I thought she would kick off but the new baby kittens being born had mellowed her mood. She took us down into the bunker and disguised Gizzy in a fez and woolly black beard. She then made a phone call......

She reassured Gizzy that Sarg Wilberforce would soon be hanging up his speed trap gun. I was a bit befuddled about how exactly Jemmy would save Gizzy from being locked in NutsVille Jail...but as ever the bunny fixed everything. Mysteriously Sarg Wilberforce was caught on film in a rather compromising position with Busty Barker who Jemmy recently supplied with a large red energy saving light bulb and plush furnishings! 

Clearly Mrs Sargeant Wilberforce would not want to find out about this picture so all the little ducks, geese and Gizzy Whizzie were let off due a technical hic -up with the readings on a faulty speed trap gun! No doubt full of water due to all this rain!

Until next time, taaa taaa.

Monday, 21 May 2012

The Take-Away Song by Idgie the Cat

Good Afternoon dear friends, I apologise there aren't any  picciez today as 'er is feeling green n icky, I don't have much time so I've written a little song...

The Take-Away Song

Sitting on the door mat
At the Prince of Deli
A little tabby cat
With a rumberly belly

Ooh spare me Jalfrezzie
And a broken poppadom
Big green eyes don't work here
As I'm swiftly moved along

To the Cantonese now
I'm sitting on the bins
Some egg fried rice to go please
And a fizzy poppy drink

Ooh now I can smell a fishy
So go skipping to the chippy
There they've got a telly
That I watch n hold my belly

My!- Is that the time now!?
Ooh dearie dearie me
I better hurry up
Else I'll be late for my tea!

Sorry that was a bit daft I know but I really must leg it now! Cheerie Pip & bless you all.

Sunday, 20 May 2012

The Return of Papa Pig

Good afternoon dearest blog readers ...I do hope you are all very well....

There was a misunderstanding this week with 'er what feeds me, I thought the ham slice was for me but...during my hasty gulp of the last bit it soon became apparent I'd wolfed her lunch! I had to make a quick exit weaving around chair legs and then into missile mode up the garden path and away to The Clumps Woodland. It was there I met the boss Jemmy Jim Jams who was trying to balance on one paw with her eyes shut...

Suddenly, one of the moon worshipping bunnies burst out of the woodland undergrowth with news from the Bongo Drum Communication Network. Jemmy fell off the log she was balancing on (clonk!).
The drums had said for Jemmy and I to meet Katya Hoppenorf at sun down by the old windmill where the UFO's fly....

I could tell you all about the UFO's dear readers but I'll leave that for another day. Jemmy and I dashed off to the windmill and waited for Katya to appear. The Bongo Drums were right and Katya hopped down the Windmill ladder in her little flying jacket. She explained she had been on a secret mission  and quite by accident she had discovered someone who had been missing for a very long time. Katya knew that Jemmy Jim Jams had been hunting high and low all over Europe trying to discover what had happened to Papa Pig after a lad's weekend away in Denmark.

Eventually, we had all faced the probability that Papa Pig had come to a sticky end. Left behind were Petunia and her six very delinquent piglets and they never got over Papa Pig going missing. Jemmy had done her very best to keep them all out of trouble.

Well...Jemmy's paw started to twitch which is never a good turns out that Papa Pig had not gawn the way of the mincer but was the full porky pie - he had left his family and had become a Champion Wrestler.

A little later on.....

Jemmy told Katya and I to wait outside Papa Pigs changing room and not to come in, she had some bunny business to take care of...(Gulp).

Katya and I waited by the door and we heard some thumps n' crashes. I got a glass tumbler and listened at the door as I feared the ol' rabbit mafia boss would make sausages of Papa Pig!... on the other paw Papa Pig is massive, he is a champion wrestler and a bit of a chump... I could hear sobbing and wailing and I couldn't stand it any longer so I booted the door open...

Jemmy Jim Jams was wild with rage hopping about and waving a photograph of Petunia and the Piglet Possy under his big pink snout. Apparently Papa Pig had gone to Denmark, got a silly tattoo with the lads, went binge drinking...ate a dodgy kebab and then fell snout first over a wall.

Whilst out cold all his dosh was nicked and he couldn't get home so he started doing what he is good at to earn his ticket home...and that's wrestling. Weeks drifted into months and he went all over Europe winning at the wrestling. He wanted to call Petunia but as time drifted by he lost his nerve as he knew she would be very very angry with him!

Jemmy wasn't sure if all this was just a curly pig tale but she INSISTED Papa Pig get his trotters into gear as he was going to have to go home and apologise for abandoning his Mrs and piglets.

The next evening...

Under clear instructions from Jemmy I went up to Petunias Pig Sty to take her and the piglets to the Karaoke Bar. Petunia was excited as she doesn't get to go out very much for fun and the piglets thought Jemmy was going to do one of her Rabbit Raps for them, we entered the Karaoke there was a gasp.

There with the microphone was Papa Pig and... encouraged... by Jemmy he began to sing an Elvis Presley song...'Always on my Mind'...

"Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should've said and done
I just never took the time

But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
I guess I never told you
That I am so happy that you're mine
If I made you feel second best
I'm so sorry I was blind

But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied
I'll keep you satisfied"

Whist the song was going on I scuttled tabby quick paw and removed Petunias Rolling Pin from her hand bag for health and safety reasons.

When the song ended there wasn't a dry eye ball in the place and the five piglets leapt up into Papa Pigs trotters! ( There are six piglets altogether but Lolly had scarpered along time ago... ). Petunia rummaged in her handbag for the rolling pin...but also her lip quivered as clearly this was 'a moment' of mixed emotions! She didn't know if she should lamp him one or kiss him!


Well...the piglets had got there Papa Pig back and I can tell you that Atticus will be handling all mediation talks and I accidentally dropped the rolling pin in the canal...(butter paws!! Hee Hee)

Ahhrr ...well I better get going now for my tea so do watch your whiskers out there, Taa Taa.