Monday, 21 May 2012

The Take-Away Song by Idgie the Cat

Good Afternoon dear friends, I apologise there aren't any  picciez today as 'er is feeling green n icky, I don't have much time so I've written a little song...

The Take-Away Song

Sitting on the door mat
At the Prince of Deli
A little tabby cat
With a rumberly belly

Ooh spare me Jalfrezzie
And a broken poppadom
Big green eyes don't work here
As I'm swiftly moved along

To the Cantonese now
I'm sitting on the bins
Some egg fried rice to go please
And a fizzy poppy drink

Ooh now I can smell a fishy
So go skipping to the chippy
There they've got a telly
That I watch n hold my belly

My!- Is that the time now!?
Ooh dearie dearie me
I better hurry up
Else I'll be late for my tea!

Sorry that was a bit daft I know but I really must leg it now! Cheerie Pip & bless you all.

Sunday, 20 May 2012

The Return of Papa Pig

Good afternoon dearest blog readers ...I do hope you are all very well....

There was a misunderstanding this week with 'er what feeds me, I thought the ham slice was for me but...during my hasty gulp of the last bit it soon became apparent I'd wolfed her lunch! I had to make a quick exit weaving around chair legs and then into missile mode up the garden path and away to The Clumps Woodland. It was there I met the boss Jemmy Jim Jams who was trying to balance on one paw with her eyes shut...

Suddenly, one of the moon worshipping bunnies burst out of the woodland undergrowth with news from the Bongo Drum Communication Network. Jemmy fell off the log she was balancing on (clonk!).
The drums had said for Jemmy and I to meet Katya Hoppenorf at sun down by the old windmill where the UFO's fly....

I could tell you all about the UFO's dear readers but I'll leave that for another day. Jemmy and I dashed off to the windmill and waited for Katya to appear. The Bongo Drums were right and Katya hopped down the Windmill ladder in her little flying jacket. She explained she had been on a secret mission  and quite by accident she had discovered someone who had been missing for a very long time. Katya knew that Jemmy Jim Jams had been hunting high and low all over Europe trying to discover what had happened to Papa Pig after a lad's weekend away in Denmark.

Eventually, we had all faced the probability that Papa Pig had come to a sticky end. Left behind were Petunia and her six very delinquent piglets and they never got over Papa Pig going missing. Jemmy had done her very best to keep them all out of trouble.

Well...Jemmy's paw started to twitch which is never a good turns out that Papa Pig had not gawn the way of the mincer but was the full porky pie - he had left his family and had become a Champion Wrestler.

A little later on.....

Jemmy told Katya and I to wait outside Papa Pigs changing room and not to come in, she had some bunny business to take care of...(Gulp).

Katya and I waited by the door and we heard some thumps n' crashes. I got a glass tumbler and listened at the door as I feared the ol' rabbit mafia boss would make sausages of Papa Pig!... on the other paw Papa Pig is massive, he is a champion wrestler and a bit of a chump... I could hear sobbing and wailing and I couldn't stand it any longer so I booted the door open...

Jemmy Jim Jams was wild with rage hopping about and waving a photograph of Petunia and the Piglet Possy under his big pink snout. Apparently Papa Pig had gone to Denmark, got a silly tattoo with the lads, went binge drinking...ate a dodgy kebab and then fell snout first over a wall.

Whilst out cold all his dosh was nicked and he couldn't get home so he started doing what he is good at to earn his ticket home...and that's wrestling. Weeks drifted into months and he went all over Europe winning at the wrestling. He wanted to call Petunia but as time drifted by he lost his nerve as he knew she would be very very angry with him!

Jemmy wasn't sure if all this was just a curly pig tale but she INSISTED Papa Pig get his trotters into gear as he was going to have to go home and apologise for abandoning his Mrs and piglets.

The next evening...

Under clear instructions from Jemmy I went up to Petunias Pig Sty to take her and the piglets to the Karaoke Bar. Petunia was excited as she doesn't get to go out very much for fun and the piglets thought Jemmy was going to do one of her Rabbit Raps for them, we entered the Karaoke there was a gasp.

There with the microphone was Papa Pig and... encouraged... by Jemmy he began to sing an Elvis Presley song...'Always on my Mind'...

"Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should've said and done
I just never took the time

But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
I guess I never told you
That I am so happy that you're mine
If I made you feel second best
I'm so sorry I was blind

But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied
I'll keep you satisfied"

Whist the song was going on I scuttled tabby quick paw and removed Petunias Rolling Pin from her hand bag for health and safety reasons.

When the song ended there wasn't a dry eye ball in the place and the five piglets leapt up into Papa Pigs trotters! ( There are six piglets altogether but Lolly had scarpered along time ago... ). Petunia rummaged in her handbag for the rolling pin...but also her lip quivered as clearly this was 'a moment' of mixed emotions! She didn't know if she should lamp him one or kiss him!


Well...the piglets had got there Papa Pig back and I can tell you that Atticus will be handling all mediation talks and I accidentally dropped the rolling pin in the canal...(butter paws!! Hee Hee)

Ahhrr ...well I better get going now for my tea so do watch your whiskers out there, Taa Taa.

Monday, 7 May 2012

Ten Pin Bowling

Good Afternoon my dear friends, what a rainy ol' Bank Holiday it is, 'er what feeds me is all cheesed off as she had delusions of sea fishing and catching something big for OUR tea ...but it continues to piddly puddley down! (Sigh).
I was just getting the symptoms of hutch fever when thankfully Jemmy Jim Jams scampered in and told me we are all going Ten Pin Bowling. I dived into the cupboard (junk hole) and after much flinging n furkeling through 'er ol' tutt I found my big Bowling Ball which looks like a massive Edam Cheese. You need to be mighty careful not to drop it on your paws coz you wont 'alf know about it!!

Jemmy Jim Jams is super deadly at Ten Pin Bowling. It's useful she says to be accurate at lobbing stuff in our line of work. Petunia made Jemmy her own Hot Cross Bunny Bowling jacket but Jemmy never wears flappy harlequin bowling shoes. I must say they are sometimes a bit cheesy...(YUK!!!).

Jemmy always gets strikes, she's winning as usual but that's good news for us as if the  ol' bunny boss is happy, then its a blessing to us all.

Professor Atticus never wears the flappy harlequin shoes either as he likes to slide along wearing his fluffy moccasin slippers. Its a weird technique I have to say and isn't really successful as you can see by the big score board. I have the Bouncing Bomb technique which is alarmingly damaging mainly to the bowling alley floor but Jemmy has had all the floors reinforced especially for me. Gizzy has a super deadly back spin which can sometime rebound so everyone stands well back. Tatty Mudflinger LOVES Ten Pin Bowling and takes the marmalade kittens often. He has The Flinger throw and has a gigantic blue bowling ball.

Due to the successful crinkly cabbage scramble bike fund from yesterday, Jemmy is taking us all for big snaffling. Deirdre the Goat did so well in the betting office she's gawn to the Las Vegas Casinos for two weeks with Mystic Turkey!

Ta Ta for now and watch your whiskers out there!

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Scrambling Action

Good Afternoon dearest blog readers, I do hope you are all very well on this Bank Holiday.

'Er what feeds me has been huffin' n puffin' every morning struggling to get her trouseys on for work due to the paunchy belly! He He! So....enough was enough....

'Er has been zooming along on an exercise bike this week and I've been in charge of the stop-watch.

Gizzy Whizzy has also been getting fit this week with her new pink spangly hula-hoopin'....

...but as you know dear friends hula hoopin isn't really fast or daring enough for our little Gizzy. She is a speed demon!

 Jemmy Jim Jams is never slow to pick up on advertising opportunities and mysteriously acquired a scrambling motorbike for Gizzy this week with the Jim Jam Enterprises sticker on the back. Gizzy was thrilled and donned her pink leathers n scrambling boots for action  Under instruction from Jemmy, The Kit Kat Gang put up Jim Jam  advertising boards all around the Speedway track and Deirdre the Goat has set up a betting office with Ronnie & Reggie piglet managing the door.  Gizzy has been showing off doing death defying stunt riding for the crowds !

Dear ol' Atti took this picture for the local paper. I am terrified she will do herself a mischief, so I went with all my first aid kit!

I'm happy to say Gizzy still has all her whiskers in place and Jemmy and Deirdre giggled and dragged a large sack of crinkly cabbage takings from the make shift bookies office back to the Mafia Bunker.

Ta Ta for now.