Sunday, 28 October 2012

Jemmy Justice

Good evening dearest friends, I do hope you are all having a lovely weekend.

We heard that one of our friends known as Mrs O had a bit of bother in her motor on Friday night. Some low-life scrag end in a red bus went and walloped her car in the dark and then the scoundrel bloomin' well left her without stopping!

Well dear readers that news got straight back to Jemmy Jim Jams the Mafia Godmother. It got right on her whiskers I can tell you and it didn't take long for the news to filter out across the bunny manor. Every little woolly creature, every flapper, chirper and nibbler was instructed as priority to find the bus.

Jemmy was hopping along yesterday when a little birdie informant flapped over and had a little chirp in the Mafia Godmothers ear'ole...

Jemmy dispatched her two top Ninjas. She got them two black woolly pulley jerseys from the Army and Navy stores and blimey it was itchy!

Atticus was sent off with a jug of that lethal explosive potato schnappsie and some wires and we were sent hot paw over to see Mrs O with the 'RED BUTTON'.

Paddy O'Sullivan, the woofet who gets fed by Mrs O let the Ninjas in the back door where we met Mrs O who mysteriously guessed who we were despite our new Ninja masks and jerseys!

We gave her the red control button which was sent with love from all The Kit Kat Gang and Jemmy.

Justice dear friends will always be delivered in this blog....

Watch your whiskers out there and take good care -Taa taa for now.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Ooo No - Not Trixie Mixie !

Good Morning dearest friends, make yourselves a cuppa tea and put your paws up - I'll tell you what happened to me yesterday.

Its been so damp n' nippy do-dah on the paws. I'd got all warm and settled under my tartan blanket to watch TV. I was just about to sipsey my tea and snaffle a brandy snap when I heard a little voice.

It was one of those little wild brown moon worshipping bunnies from The Clumps. He had been running so fast I could hardly make out what he was saying but then I picked out the awful words... 'Trixie Mixie!'.

I am too young to have witnessed the last outbreak of Trixie Mixie but Old Atticus told me its the most deadliest diseases to hit rabbits . I grabbed my first aid kit and went hot paw to 'The Clumps'. As I approached the wood I could hear the bongo drums and rabbits everywhere were wailing and swaying little lanterns.

There was a huge queue of rabbits of all sizes and ages circling 'The Clumps' and waiting in turn to see Boo Boo Massou the Mystical Healer at her little round hut.

I shot in via the back door and poor Boo Boo Massou was frazzled with exhaustion. Her conker necklace was all twizzled up and her headdress feathers all wonky. She said " Oh Idgie, I've run out of medicinal potions, berries and crystals - I'm down to the last drip of sloe gin and that's for me!"

I'd never seen Boo Boo Massou so worried and it was complete pandemonium outside - mass hysteria had swept through 'The Clumps'. All the rabbits from miles around were knocking on Boo Boo Massous door for a miracle cure.

Now I have to say dear readers these little bunnies are a bit prone to being overly dramatic and it just takes one to have a flip out and flash a white fluffy tail and it causes the lot of them to bounce all over the wood.

I eyed up the queue and quickly noted that not one of the bunnies had any symptoms of Trixi Mixie, yet they were all very vocal and convinced they'd got it!!

So I made my way along the queue questioning rabbits as I wanted to trace the source of the hysteria...the first of the rabbits were saying  its Trixie Mixie....further down the queue was Poxy Flopsie....further along it was Quicksie Plopsie....then Lumpy Bumpy...then...Fluffled Snuffles...and at last I approached the end where the symptoms had changed to Coughin'-Frothin'!

In a small hut I found the only little rabbit to look poorly in bed frothing and coughing, his fur all gluey and his eyes wide with fright.

Do not fear dear readers - I knew what was wrong with him straight away and No it is not Trixie Mixie. It turned out that a few bunnies had been playing conkers with The Piglet Possy. For a laugh I expect one of those naughty piglets gave this wild bunny a Sherbert Fiz Bomb Sweet. It is well known that you must NEVER EVER give a Sherbert Fiz Bomb to a rabbit as it makes um go pop eyed and froth at the chops.

I gave the little bunny a glass of water and Boo Boo Massoue got a soapy flannel and washed all the sherberty glue off his fur and ear 'oles. He was soon feeling a lot better!

Calm came to the Clumps and on my way back home I had a quiet word with the Piglets GODMOTHER about the Sherbert Fiz Bomb incident.

Don't believe everything you hear as it may turn out to be a curly pig tale!! Taa Taa for now.

Monday, 22 October 2012

Allo Allo Humphrey

Good Afternoon dearest blog readers and thank you very much for tuning into the tabby whisker waves - I do hope you are all very well.

The leaves are changing colour and the mists and mystical mushrooms be popping up in abundance. The Kit Kat Gang have been out in the fields looking for giant mushrooms and puff balls.

Atticus checks all of them before we pick 'um for snaffling, as some mushrooms can duff you in if you're not watching your whiskers out there!

I looked anxiously towards the reinforced bunny bunker door whilst helping Angus find field mushrooms.  Jemmy Jim Jams, the Mafia Godmother had withdrawn underground in a depressed state which tends to occur when the summer fizzles out.

Jemmy had been chuntering a lot and was disappointed after discovering skulduggery against her and the bunny business (gulp). There was no alternative than to plant more spring bulbs in a big hole... on the's always lovely to have a splash of jolly colour in the spring says Jemmy...

I hadn't seen Jemmy for about four days since then. I know the poor potato crop had affected the business figures up at The Chippy and the Tatty Schnappsie fuel supply was at an all time low....Jemmy was quite tearful and plummeted into bumberly depths.

Being in a bunker surrounded by grenades, rocket launchers, spears and swords cant be healthy for a small bunny rabbit even though she is The Mafia Godmother of all rabbits.

I scampered my tabby body over to see Mama Morrello the founder of the Morrello Cherry Liqueur Business and Ice Cream Queen for advise as she would relate to the bunny business bother. We knocked at the Bunker door and Jemmy didn't answer. Mama Morrello told me not to worry...she may be grey whiskered and a bit blurry in the eyeballs but she's sharp as a tack under that cardigan and soon picked all the intricate complex locks to reach my boss.

She said.." Now Jemmy, will you put that axe down,... it's not good to shut yourself away and think in the past or in the dark - NO!! Come out in to the daylight!!".

Jemmy hopped out of the bunker and was proud to see us all busy mushrooming. Mama Morrello squeezed Jems paw and pointed towards the pumpkin field which was ready for harvest. Jemmy then saw Alleron the Llama charging up and down protecting the Jim Jams Christmas Tree Plantation. Ahhrrr HOPE grew in Jems heart!

Suddenly the Coq au Vin Taxi came up the Mudflinger Barn Track.

"Allo Allo", shouted the taxi driver in his best French accent. "I 'ave a visitor for you"! Jemmy grinned, the Cockerel wasn't really French dear readers, he was from Hackney but had recently been released from Nutsville for fighting. Jem had set him up in a Taxi service and it was working out rather well.

The back door of the Coq au Vin Taxi swung open to reveal crates of Champagne and Humphrey!
Jemmy had know Humphrey ever since he was a tiny ball of fluff. Jem quickly realised that Humphrey had many talents and tip-top taste buds for grapes. He now runs the Jim Jam Vineyard in France.

Humphrey was a distant relative of the Jim Jams Family but some curious encounter generations back with a ginger furred Hare had given him speedy paws, excellent ear'oles and gingery fluff. He proudly presented Jemmy with the Annual Report and a Gold Champagne Award.

So all is well dear friends, watch your whiskers out there and Taa Taa.