Saturday, 22 September 2012

Prickly Business

Good Evening dearest blog readers. Thank you very much indeed for tuning into my tabby whisker waves, I do hope you are all tickerty-boo.

Hedgehogs... dear friends need a bit of help at the moment as... how can I say it ...they are a few sandwiches short of a picnic if you follow my tabby drift. They don't understand you gotta leg it if a car is coming, they panic you see and roll into a spiky ball. Big hedgehogs have got 5,000 spiny prickles but that just ain't no defence against a car! Some humans think its helpful to put out milk and bread for them but that's real bad for um! They eat slugs n snails n beetly fings...they do appreciate a dollop of dog or cat food though to help um when its cold. They be nocturnal and up for snaffling n raving, singing n dancing all night and they all get their kip in their nests in the day time. If you see a dozie one out in the sunshine he be poorly and needs to get to the hospital.

Jemmy Jim Jams the mafia Godmother has been busy flogging Accident Compensation 'No Win - No Fee' legal support to hedgehogs and is taking a percentage of the claims..

After visiting one of her prickly clients with Atticus -  Jemmy took a short cut across the fields and went past Sandy Hollow where there is a network of old abandoned Badger Setts. I expect you remember a while back we airlifted all our Badgers away to safety at a top secret location. You can imagine its a bit creepy at Sandy Hollow now as its all derelict but Jemmy is a tough ol bunny and scared of nuffink.

Suddenly Bella Badger appeared and Jemmy did a back flip with alarm! Jemmy said .."Blimey Bella, have you gawn out of your mind, it ain't safe no more out ere for Badgers!?"

Bella explained she had only popped back because there was a vast area of brambles and the biggest juiciest blackberries to be had and she couldn't resist sneaking about foraging for the delicious fruit.
Jemmy tasted a big blackberry and sure enough dear readers -it was indeed lovely. The bunny boss said

"Bella Badger these blackberries are the best but they ain't worth being shot for! NO!Come on you crazy fing , lets go down to the bunker and I'll find you a disguise!"

Later that afternoon I was working in Gizzy Whizzies garage when a stranger shuffled in wearing a giant parker jacket with the hood zipped right up. Gizzy and I were suspicious. Gizzy picked up a big spanner and waited for the parker jacket to speak...

Well we soon discovered the talking Parker Jacket was Bella Badger! Jemmy had sent her to us as the Mafia boss wanted all the Kit Kat Gang to get picking blackberries! Jemmy wanted Blackberry Jam and Blackberry pie and Blackberry this n Blackberry that to sell n snuffle! So we all went off with the walking Parker Jacket and got busy in the brambles...

We picked LOTS and LOTS! Obviously I tasted quite a few to check they were tip-top quality. Here is what happened to our paws....

Gizzy, me, Angus and Tatty were so blackberry purple by night time we all had to have a bath!

Bella was moved by darkness to Boo Boo Massous hut at the Clumps for a blackberry supper with the Moon Worshipping bunnies still wearing her parker jacket. If you think Bella shouldn't be shot as she hasn't got TB, she's just a blackberry collecting badger please sign the e-petition to save her!

Jemmy Jim Jams made a big blackberry meringue at the bunker to share with Katya Hoppenorf the greatest rabbit spy.

I personally cannot face anymore blackberries today as I may have sampled n snaffled too many.

Watch your whiskers out there and may you all sleep safely in your nests tonight.