Saturday, 22 December 2012
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Ode to Kippers by Idgie the Cat
Ode to Kippers
by Idgie the Cat
Ooo the waft of kippers,
Hot under the grill for me,
Joy of the smokey kippy,
And a steamy mug of tea.
Fishy oils are healthy,
Good source of vitamin D,
Super for my tabby joints,
For springing up a tree.
Kippers give you a brain booster,
Eco friendly in the sea,
So go on - have a kipper..
...one..or two..or three!
Sunday, 28 October 2012
Jemmy Justice
Good evening dearest friends, I do hope you are all having a lovely weekend.
We heard that one of our friends known as Mrs O had a bit of bother in her motor on Friday night. Some low-life scrag end in a red bus went and walloped her car in the dark and then the scoundrel bloomin' well left her without stopping!
Well dear readers that news got straight back to Jemmy Jim Jams the Mafia Godmother. It got right on her whiskers I can tell you and it didn't take long for the news to filter out across the bunny manor. Every little woolly creature, every flapper, chirper and nibbler was instructed as priority to find the bus.
Jemmy was hopping along yesterday when a little birdie informant flapped over and had a little chirp in the Mafia Godmothers ear'ole...
Jemmy dispatched her two top Ninjas. She got them two black woolly pulley jerseys from the Army and Navy stores and blimey it was itchy!
Atticus was sent off with a jug of that lethal explosive potato schnappsie and some wires and we were sent hot paw over to see Mrs O with the 'RED BUTTON'.
Paddy O'Sullivan, the woofet who gets fed by Mrs O let the Ninjas in the back door where we met Mrs O who mysteriously guessed who we were despite our new Ninja masks and jerseys!
We gave her the red control button which was sent with love from all The Kit Kat Gang and Jemmy.
Justice dear friends will always be delivered in this blog....
Watch your whiskers out there and take good care -Taa taa for now.
We heard that one of our friends known as Mrs O had a bit of bother in her motor on Friday night. Some low-life scrag end in a red bus went and walloped her car in the dark and then the scoundrel bloomin' well left her without stopping!
Well dear readers that news got straight back to Jemmy Jim Jams the Mafia Godmother. It got right on her whiskers I can tell you and it didn't take long for the news to filter out across the bunny manor. Every little woolly creature, every flapper, chirper and nibbler was instructed as priority to find the bus.
Jemmy was hopping along yesterday when a little birdie informant flapped over and had a little chirp in the Mafia Godmothers ear'ole...
Paddy O'Sullivan, the woofet who gets fed by Mrs O let the Ninjas in the back door where we met Mrs O who mysteriously guessed who we were despite our new Ninja masks and jerseys!
We gave her the red control button which was sent with love from all The Kit Kat Gang and Jemmy.
Tuesday, 23 October 2012
Ooo No - Not Trixie Mixie !
Good Morning dearest friends, make yourselves a cuppa tea and put your paws up - I'll tell you what happened to me yesterday.
Its been so damp n' nippy do-dah on the paws. I'd got all warm and settled under my tartan blanket to watch TV. I was just about to sipsey my tea and snaffle a brandy snap when I heard a little voice.
It was one of those little wild brown moon worshipping bunnies from The Clumps. He had been running so fast I could hardly make out what he was saying but then I picked out the awful words... 'Trixie Mixie!'.
I am too young to have witnessed the last outbreak of Trixie Mixie but Old Atticus told me its the most deadliest diseases to hit rabbits . I grabbed my first aid kit and went hot paw to 'The Clumps'. As I approached the wood I could hear the bongo drums and rabbits everywhere were wailing and swaying little lanterns.
There was a huge queue of rabbits of all sizes and ages circling 'The Clumps' and waiting in turn to see Boo Boo Massou the Mystical Healer at her little round hut.
I shot in via the back door and poor Boo Boo Massou was frazzled with exhaustion. Her conker necklace was all twizzled up and her headdress feathers all wonky. She said " Oh Idgie, I've run out of medicinal potions, berries and crystals - I'm down to the last drip of sloe gin and that's for me!"
I'd never seen Boo Boo Massou so worried and it was complete pandemonium outside - mass hysteria had swept through 'The Clumps'. All the rabbits from miles around were knocking on Boo Boo Massous door for a miracle cure.
Now I have to say dear readers these little bunnies are a bit prone to being overly dramatic and it just takes one to have a flip out and flash a white fluffy tail and it causes the lot of them to bounce all over the wood.
I eyed up the queue and quickly noted that not one of the bunnies had any symptoms of Trixi Mixie, yet they were all very vocal and convinced they'd got it!!
So I made my way along the queue questioning rabbits as I wanted to trace the source of the hysteria...the first of the rabbits were saying its Trixie Mixie....further down the queue ...it was Poxy Flopsie....further along it was Quicksie Plopsie....then Lumpy Bumpy...then...Fluffled Snuffles...and at last I approached the end where the symptoms had changed to Coughin'-Frothin'!
In a small hut I found the only little rabbit to look poorly in bed frothing and coughing, his fur all gluey and his eyes wide with fright.
Do not fear dear readers - I knew what was wrong with him straight away and No it is not Trixie Mixie. It turned out that a few bunnies had been playing conkers with The Piglet Possy. For a laugh I expect one of those naughty piglets gave this wild bunny a Sherbert Fiz Bomb Sweet. It is well known that you must NEVER EVER give a Sherbert Fiz Bomb to a rabbit as it makes um go pop eyed and froth at the chops.
I gave the little bunny a glass of water and Boo Boo Massoue got a soapy flannel and washed all the sherberty glue off his fur and ear 'oles. He was soon feeling a lot better!
Calm came to the Clumps and on my way back home I had a quiet word with the Piglets GODMOTHER about the Sherbert Fiz Bomb incident.
Don't believe everything you hear as it may turn out to be a curly pig tale!! Taa Taa for now.
Its been so damp n' nippy do-dah on the paws. I'd got all warm and settled under my tartan blanket to watch TV. I was just about to sipsey my tea and snaffle a brandy snap when I heard a little voice.
I am too young to have witnessed the last outbreak of Trixie Mixie but Old Atticus told me its the most deadliest diseases to hit rabbits . I grabbed my first aid kit and went hot paw to 'The Clumps'. As I approached the wood I could hear the bongo drums and rabbits everywhere were wailing and swaying little lanterns.
There was a huge queue of rabbits of all sizes and ages circling 'The Clumps' and waiting in turn to see Boo Boo Massou the Mystical Healer at her little round hut.
I shot in via the back door and poor Boo Boo Massou was frazzled with exhaustion. Her conker necklace was all twizzled up and her headdress feathers all wonky. She said " Oh Idgie, I've run out of medicinal potions, berries and crystals - I'm down to the last drip of sloe gin and that's for me!"
I'd never seen Boo Boo Massou so worried and it was complete pandemonium outside - mass hysteria had swept through 'The Clumps'. All the rabbits from miles around were knocking on Boo Boo Massous door for a miracle cure.
Now I have to say dear readers these little bunnies are a bit prone to being overly dramatic and it just takes one to have a flip out and flash a white fluffy tail and it causes the lot of them to bounce all over the wood.
I eyed up the queue and quickly noted that not one of the bunnies had any symptoms of Trixi Mixie, yet they were all very vocal and convinced they'd got it!!
So I made my way along the queue questioning rabbits as I wanted to trace the source of the hysteria...the first of the rabbits were saying its Trixie Mixie....further down the queue ...it was Poxy Flopsie....further along it was Quicksie Plopsie....then Lumpy Bumpy...then...Fluffled Snuffles...and at last I approached the end where the symptoms had changed to Coughin'-Frothin'!
In a small hut I found the only little rabbit to look poorly in bed frothing and coughing, his fur all gluey and his eyes wide with fright.
Do not fear dear readers - I knew what was wrong with him straight away and No it is not Trixie Mixie. It turned out that a few bunnies had been playing conkers with The Piglet Possy. For a laugh I expect one of those naughty piglets gave this wild bunny a Sherbert Fiz Bomb Sweet. It is well known that you must NEVER EVER give a Sherbert Fiz Bomb to a rabbit as it makes um go pop eyed and froth at the chops.
I gave the little bunny a glass of water and Boo Boo Massoue got a soapy flannel and washed all the sherberty glue off his fur and ear 'oles. He was soon feeling a lot better!
Calm came to the Clumps and on my way back home I had a quiet word with the Piglets GODMOTHER about the Sherbert Fiz Bomb incident.
Don't believe everything you hear as it may turn out to be a curly pig tale!! Taa Taa for now.
Monday, 22 October 2012
Allo Allo Humphrey
Good Afternoon dearest blog readers and thank you very much for tuning into the tabby whisker waves - I do hope you are all very well.
The leaves are changing colour and the mists and mystical mushrooms be popping up in abundance. The Kit Kat Gang have been out in the fields looking for giant mushrooms and puff balls.
Atticus checks all of them before we pick 'um for snaffling, as some mushrooms can duff you in if you're not watching your whiskers out there!
I looked anxiously towards the reinforced bunny bunker door whilst helping Angus find field mushrooms. Jemmy Jim Jams, the Mafia Godmother had withdrawn underground in a depressed state which tends to occur when the summer fizzles out.
Jemmy had been chuntering a lot and was disappointed after discovering skulduggery against her and the bunny business (gulp). There was no alternative than to plant more spring bulbs in a big hole... on the Common....it's always lovely to have a splash of jolly colour in the spring says Jemmy...
I hadn't seen Jemmy for about four days since then. I know the poor potato crop had affected the business figures up at The Chippy and the Tatty Schnappsie fuel supply was at an all time low....Jemmy was quite tearful and plummeted into bumberly depths.
Being in a bunker surrounded by grenades, rocket launchers, spears and swords cant be healthy for a small bunny rabbit even though she is The Mafia Godmother of all rabbits.
I scampered my tabby body over to see Mama Morrello the founder of the Morrello Cherry Liqueur Business and Ice Cream Queen for advise as she would relate to the bunny business bother. We knocked at the Bunker door and Jemmy didn't answer. Mama Morrello told me not to worry...she may be grey whiskered and a bit blurry in the eyeballs but she's sharp as a tack under that cardigan and soon picked all the intricate complex locks to reach my boss.
She said.." Now Jemmy, will you put that axe down,... it's not good to shut yourself away and think in the past or in the dark - NO!! Come out in to the daylight!!".
Jemmy hopped out of the bunker and was proud to see us all busy mushrooming. Mama Morrello squeezed Jems paw and pointed towards the pumpkin field which was ready for harvest. Jemmy then saw Alleron the Llama charging up and down protecting the Jim Jams Christmas Tree Plantation. Ahhrrr HOPE grew in Jems heart!
Suddenly the Coq au Vin Taxi came up the Mudflinger Barn Track.
"Allo Allo", shouted the taxi driver in his best French accent. "I 'ave a visitor for you"! Jemmy grinned, the Cockerel wasn't really French dear readers, he was from Hackney but had recently been released from Nutsville for fighting. Jem had set him up in a Taxi service and it was working out rather well.
The back door of the Coq au Vin Taxi swung open to reveal crates of Champagne and Humphrey!
Jemmy had know Humphrey ever since he was a tiny ball of fluff. Jem quickly realised that Humphrey had many talents and tip-top taste buds for grapes. He now runs the Jim Jam Vineyard in France.
Humphrey was a distant relative of the Jim Jams Family but some curious encounter generations back with a ginger furred Hare had given him speedy paws, excellent ear'oles and gingery fluff. He proudly presented Jemmy with the Annual Report and a Gold Champagne Award.
So all is well dear friends, watch your whiskers out there and Taa Taa.
The leaves are changing colour and the mists and mystical mushrooms be popping up in abundance. The Kit Kat Gang have been out in the fields looking for giant mushrooms and puff balls.
I looked anxiously towards the reinforced bunny bunker door whilst helping Angus find field mushrooms. Jemmy Jim Jams, the Mafia Godmother had withdrawn underground in a depressed state which tends to occur when the summer fizzles out.
Jemmy had been chuntering a lot and was disappointed after discovering skulduggery against her and the bunny business (gulp). There was no alternative than to plant more spring bulbs in a big hole... on the Common....it's always lovely to have a splash of jolly colour in the spring says Jemmy...
I scampered my tabby body over to see Mama Morrello the founder of the Morrello Cherry Liqueur Business and Ice Cream Queen for advise as she would relate to the bunny business bother. We knocked at the Bunker door and Jemmy didn't answer. Mama Morrello told me not to worry...she may be grey whiskered and a bit blurry in the eyeballs but she's sharp as a tack under that cardigan and soon picked all the intricate complex locks to reach my boss.
Jemmy hopped out of the bunker and was proud to see us all busy mushrooming. Mama Morrello squeezed Jems paw and pointed towards the pumpkin field which was ready for harvest. Jemmy then saw Alleron the Llama charging up and down protecting the Jim Jams Christmas Tree Plantation. Ahhrrr HOPE grew in Jems heart!
Suddenly the Coq au Vin Taxi came up the Mudflinger Barn Track.
The back door of the Coq au Vin Taxi swung open to reveal crates of Champagne and Humphrey!
Jemmy had know Humphrey ever since he was a tiny ball of fluff. Jem quickly realised that Humphrey had many talents and tip-top taste buds for grapes. He now runs the Jim Jam Vineyard in France.
Humphrey was a distant relative of the Jim Jams Family but some curious encounter generations back with a ginger furred Hare had given him speedy paws, excellent ear'oles and gingery fluff. He proudly presented Jemmy with the Annual Report and a Gold Champagne Award.
So all is well dear friends, watch your whiskers out there and Taa Taa.
Saturday, 22 September 2012
Prickly Business
Good Evening dearest blog readers. Thank you very much indeed for tuning into my tabby whisker waves, I do hope you are all tickerty-boo.
Hedgehogs... dear friends need a bit of help at the moment as... how can I say it ...they are a few sandwiches short of a picnic if you follow my tabby drift. They don't understand you gotta leg it if a car is coming, they panic you see and roll into a spiky ball. Big hedgehogs have got 5,000 spiny prickles but that just ain't no defence against a car! Some humans think its helpful to put out milk and bread for them but that's real bad for um! They eat slugs n snails n beetly fings...they do appreciate a dollop of dog or cat food though to help um when its cold. They be nocturnal and up for snaffling n raving, singing n dancing all night and they all get their kip in their nests in the day time. If you see a dozie one out in the sunshine he be poorly and needs to get to the hospital.
Jemmy Jim Jams the mafia Godmother has been busy flogging Accident Compensation 'No Win - No Fee' legal support to hedgehogs and is taking a percentage of the claims..
After visiting one of her prickly clients with Atticus - Jemmy took a short cut across the fields and went past Sandy Hollow where there is a network of old abandoned Badger Setts. I expect you remember a while back we airlifted all our Badgers away to safety at a top secret location. You can imagine its a bit creepy at Sandy Hollow now as its all derelict but Jemmy is a tough ol bunny and scared of nuffink.
Suddenly Bella Badger appeared and Jemmy did a back flip with alarm! Jemmy said .."Blimey Bella, have you gawn out of your mind, it ain't safe no more out ere for Badgers!?"
Bella explained she had only popped back because there was a vast area of brambles and the biggest juiciest blackberries to be had and she couldn't resist sneaking about foraging for the delicious fruit.
Jemmy tasted a big blackberry and sure enough dear readers -it was indeed lovely. The bunny boss said
"Bella Badger these blackberries are the best but they ain't worth being shot for! NO!Come on you crazy fing , lets go down to the bunker and I'll find you a disguise!"
Later that afternoon I was working in Gizzy Whizzies garage when a stranger shuffled in wearing a giant parker jacket with the hood zipped right up. Gizzy and I were suspicious. Gizzy picked up a big spanner and waited for the parker jacket to speak...
Well we soon discovered the talking Parker Jacket was Bella Badger! Jemmy had sent her to us as the Mafia boss wanted all the Kit Kat Gang to get picking blackberries! Jemmy wanted Blackberry Jam and Blackberry pie and Blackberry this n Blackberry that to sell n snuffle! So we all went off with the walking Parker Jacket and got busy in the brambles...
We picked LOTS and LOTS! Obviously I tasted quite a few to check they were tip-top quality. Here is what happened to our paws....
Gizzy, me, Angus and Tatty were so blackberry purple by night time we all had to have a bath!
Bella was moved by darkness to Boo Boo Massous hut at the Clumps for a blackberry supper with the Moon Worshipping bunnies still wearing her parker jacket. If you think Bella shouldn't be shot as she hasn't got TB, she's just a blackberry collecting badger please sign the e-petition to save her!
http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/38257
Jemmy Jim Jams made a big blackberry meringue at the bunker to share with Katya Hoppenorf the greatest rabbit spy.
I personally cannot face anymore blackberries today as I may have sampled n snaffled too many.
Watch your whiskers out there and may you all sleep safely in your nests tonight.
Suddenly Bella Badger appeared and Jemmy did a back flip with alarm! Jemmy said .."Blimey Bella, have you gawn out of your mind, it ain't safe no more out ere for Badgers!?"
Jemmy tasted a big blackberry and sure enough dear readers -it was indeed lovely. The bunny boss said
"Bella Badger these blackberries are the best but they ain't worth being shot for! NO!Come on you crazy fing , lets go down to the bunker and I'll find you a disguise!"
Later that afternoon I was working in Gizzy Whizzies garage when a stranger shuffled in wearing a giant parker jacket with the hood zipped right up. Gizzy and I were suspicious. Gizzy picked up a big spanner and waited for the parker jacket to speak...
Well we soon discovered the talking Parker Jacket was Bella Badger! Jemmy had sent her to us as the Mafia boss wanted all the Kit Kat Gang to get picking blackberries! Jemmy wanted Blackberry Jam and Blackberry pie and Blackberry this n Blackberry that to sell n snuffle! So we all went off with the walking Parker Jacket and got busy in the brambles...
We picked LOTS and LOTS! Obviously I tasted quite a few to check they were tip-top quality. Here is what happened to our paws....
Bella was moved by darkness to Boo Boo Massous hut at the Clumps for a blackberry supper with the Moon Worshipping bunnies still wearing her parker jacket. If you think Bella shouldn't be shot as she hasn't got TB, she's just a blackberry collecting badger please sign the e-petition to save her!
http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/38257
Jemmy Jim Jams made a big blackberry meringue at the bunker to share with Katya Hoppenorf the greatest rabbit spy.
Watch your whiskers out there and may you all sleep safely in your nests tonight.
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Curiosity (nearly) Killed the Cat
Good Afternoon dearest blog readers, thank you for returning to my little tabby blog. I do hope you are all very well and I sincerely apologise for being off the whisker waves for so long. Go make yourselves a cuppa tea and I'll tell you where I've been!
Now as you know, my boss is Jemmy Jim Jams - the Mafia Godmother. She shot out of the bunny bunker with a big bunny idea that the way upwards for 'The Bunny Business' was Space Travel! (gulp) The Kit Kat Gang all smiled and nodded (what else can you do!?).
Jemmy informed Professor Atticus and I that we would be representing Jim Jams Universal Travel and we would gain business credibility by going to....MARS! I got very excited as the Muckflinger kittens had told me recently the moon was made of cheese so it was obvious dear friends that Mars must be made of chocolate!
I was given the important job of stocking up the larder as Atticus said the journey to Mars would take a very long time.
I packed up all our favourite food. Gizzy gave me a big fruit cake that her Nanny Whizzie had kindly made for us for the journey. Paddy gave us a long string of Irish Sausages. Atticus and I cant live without Clipper Tea and smoked kippers so we packed lots of them and several packets of brandy snaps and jammy dodgers. Jemmy met a ferrety acquaintance in the pub and acquired a big fridge and also a huge bargain stash of tinned pilchards...so I made sure we also took lots off loo rolls.
Whilst Atticus engineered a Space Rocket little Gizzy speedily assembled the Control Room at Tatty Muckflingers Barn.
The day at last came for lift off and little Angus the Kitten came to the Control room with his Dad clinging to a lucky four leaf clover as heaven knows it was a dangerous and daring mission and Atticus needed all the luck we could get.
Jemmy counted down ...Five..Four...Three....Two....One.... BLAST OFF !!!
(Ooo I did feel queasy dearest friends, rocketing upwards at an alarming rate on a stomach full of bacon butty was possibly a mistake)
I'm sure you are all relieved to know that our food supplies for the journey lasted out and Atti and I landed on Mars safely. I was told by Jemmy Jim Jams to put her flag on the Planet surface as evidence that we had made it there before anyone else....
I have to tell you that I was disappointed to be very honest with you dear friends as there wasn't a single dollop of chocolate anywhere, it was all red rock and rusty coloured sand.
In fact Atti and I wanted to get back to Earth pronto because 'er what feeds me was getting married and promised us a fabulous flashy seafood supper if we got back in time to celebrate.
Just before take off I felt a bit wriggly in my seat due to all those bargain tinned pilchards and I quickly excused myself ....Shhhh...I needed to go for a tabby tiddle didn't I and all that sand looked rather like kitty litter so I dashed off for a tinkle in the great Gale Crater.
Well as I always say...no matter where you are in the universe you need to Watch Your Whiskers Out There!
SUDDENLY your own dear Idgie the Cat quite unsuspecting any bother nearly got RUN OVER! It was only that lot from NASA with their new flashy Curiosity Rover taking rock samples! I nearly had
a kitten with fright so I legged it hot paw back to the rocket in time for take off.
Now you all know why I have been away so long but I'm back now safe and sound and will be back on the Whisker Waves very soon. Taa Taa
Now as you know, my boss is Jemmy Jim Jams - the Mafia Godmother. She shot out of the bunny bunker with a big bunny idea that the way upwards for 'The Bunny Business' was Space Travel! (gulp) The Kit Kat Gang all smiled and nodded (what else can you do!?).
Jemmy informed Professor Atticus and I that we would be representing Jim Jams Universal Travel and we would gain business credibility by going to....MARS! I got very excited as the Muckflinger kittens had told me recently the moon was made of cheese so it was obvious dear friends that Mars must be made of chocolate!
I was given the important job of stocking up the larder as Atticus said the journey to Mars would take a very long time.
I packed up all our favourite food. Gizzy gave me a big fruit cake that her Nanny Whizzie had kindly made for us for the journey. Paddy gave us a long string of Irish Sausages. Atticus and I cant live without Clipper Tea and smoked kippers so we packed lots of them and several packets of brandy snaps and jammy dodgers. Jemmy met a ferrety acquaintance in the pub and acquired a big fridge and also a huge bargain stash of tinned pilchards...so I made sure we also took lots off loo rolls.
Whilst Atticus engineered a Space Rocket little Gizzy speedily assembled the Control Room at Tatty Muckflingers Barn.
The day at last came for lift off and little Angus the Kitten came to the Control room with his Dad clinging to a lucky four leaf clover as heaven knows it was a dangerous and daring mission and Atticus needed all the luck we could get.
Jemmy counted down ...Five..Four...Three....Two....One.... BLAST OFF !!!
(Ooo I did feel queasy dearest friends, rocketing upwards at an alarming rate on a stomach full of bacon butty was possibly a mistake)
I'm sure you are all relieved to know that our food supplies for the journey lasted out and Atti and I landed on Mars safely. I was told by Jemmy Jim Jams to put her flag on the Planet surface as evidence that we had made it there before anyone else....
I have to tell you that I was disappointed to be very honest with you dear friends as there wasn't a single dollop of chocolate anywhere, it was all red rock and rusty coloured sand.
In fact Atti and I wanted to get back to Earth pronto because 'er what feeds me was getting married and promised us a fabulous flashy seafood supper if we got back in time to celebrate.
Just before take off I felt a bit wriggly in my seat due to all those bargain tinned pilchards and I quickly excused myself ....Shhhh...I needed to go for a tabby tiddle didn't I and all that sand looked rather like kitty litter so I dashed off for a tinkle in the great Gale Crater.
Well as I always say...no matter where you are in the universe you need to Watch Your Whiskers Out There!
SUDDENLY your own dear Idgie the Cat quite unsuspecting any bother nearly got RUN OVER! It was only that lot from NASA with their new flashy Curiosity Rover taking rock samples! I nearly had
a kitten with fright so I legged it hot paw back to the rocket in time for take off.
Now you all know why I have been away so long but I'm back now safe and sound and will be back on the Whisker Waves very soon. Taa Taa
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