Sunday, 20 May 2012

The Return of Papa Pig

Good afternoon dearest blog readers ...I do hope you are all very well....

There was a misunderstanding this week with 'er what feeds me, I thought the ham slice was for me but...during my hasty gulp of the last bit it soon became apparent I'd wolfed her lunch! I had to make a quick exit weaving around chair legs and then into missile mode up the garden path and away to The Clumps Woodland. It was there I met the boss Jemmy Jim Jams who was trying to balance on one paw with her eyes shut...

Suddenly, one of the moon worshipping bunnies burst out of the woodland undergrowth with news from the Bongo Drum Communication Network. Jemmy fell off the log she was balancing on (clonk!).
The drums had said for Jemmy and I to meet Katya Hoppenorf at sun down by the old windmill where the UFO's fly....

I could tell you all about the UFO's dear readers but I'll leave that for another day. Jemmy and I dashed off to the windmill and waited for Katya to appear. The Bongo Drums were right and Katya hopped down the Windmill ladder in her little flying jacket. She explained she had been on a secret mission  and quite by accident she had discovered someone who had been missing for a very long time. Katya knew that Jemmy Jim Jams had been hunting high and low all over Europe trying to discover what had happened to Papa Pig after a lad's weekend away in Denmark.

Eventually, we had all faced the probability that Papa Pig had come to a sticky end. Left behind were Petunia and her six very delinquent piglets and they never got over Papa Pig going missing. Jemmy had done her very best to keep them all out of trouble.

Well...Jemmy's paw started to twitch which is never a good turns out that Papa Pig had not gawn the way of the mincer but was the full porky pie - he had left his family and had become a Champion Wrestler.

A little later on.....

Jemmy told Katya and I to wait outside Papa Pigs changing room and not to come in, she had some bunny business to take care of...(Gulp).

Katya and I waited by the door and we heard some thumps n' crashes. I got a glass tumbler and listened at the door as I feared the ol' rabbit mafia boss would make sausages of Papa Pig!... on the other paw Papa Pig is massive, he is a champion wrestler and a bit of a chump... I could hear sobbing and wailing and I couldn't stand it any longer so I booted the door open...

Jemmy Jim Jams was wild with rage hopping about and waving a photograph of Petunia and the Piglet Possy under his big pink snout. Apparently Papa Pig had gone to Denmark, got a silly tattoo with the lads, went binge drinking...ate a dodgy kebab and then fell snout first over a wall.

Whilst out cold all his dosh was nicked and he couldn't get home so he started doing what he is good at to earn his ticket home...and that's wrestling. Weeks drifted into months and he went all over Europe winning at the wrestling. He wanted to call Petunia but as time drifted by he lost his nerve as he knew she would be very very angry with him!

Jemmy wasn't sure if all this was just a curly pig tale but she INSISTED Papa Pig get his trotters into gear as he was going to have to go home and apologise for abandoning his Mrs and piglets.

The next evening...

Under clear instructions from Jemmy I went up to Petunias Pig Sty to take her and the piglets to the Karaoke Bar. Petunia was excited as she doesn't get to go out very much for fun and the piglets thought Jemmy was going to do one of her Rabbit Raps for them, we entered the Karaoke there was a gasp.

There with the microphone was Papa Pig and... encouraged... by Jemmy he began to sing an Elvis Presley song...'Always on my Mind'...

"Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should've said and done
I just never took the time

But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
I guess I never told you
That I am so happy that you're mine
If I made you feel second best
I'm so sorry I was blind

But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied
I'll keep you satisfied"

Whist the song was going on I scuttled tabby quick paw and removed Petunias Rolling Pin from her hand bag for health and safety reasons.

When the song ended there wasn't a dry eye ball in the place and the five piglets leapt up into Papa Pigs trotters! ( There are six piglets altogether but Lolly had scarpered along time ago... ). Petunia rummaged in her handbag for the rolling pin...but also her lip quivered as clearly this was 'a moment' of mixed emotions! She didn't know if she should lamp him one or kiss him!


Well...the piglets had got there Papa Pig back and I can tell you that Atticus will be handling all mediation talks and I accidentally dropped the rolling pin in the canal...(butter paws!! Hee Hee)

Ahhrr ...well I better get going now for my tea so do watch your whiskers out there, Taa Taa.

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