Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Swear Box

......Ooo hello friendly folk, I didn't hear you log in to my whisker waves due to my lug 'oles being full of cotton wool!

'Er what feeds me had another day drowning in that brown sticky stuff at the Treacle Mines. She had the look of Uma Thurman in Kill Bill and Sigourney Weaver in Aliens as she dragged herself into the flat. It was all fluffin this n fluffin that and bleep bleep blipperty bleep, I had to put cotton wool in to block out the language!

In between the swearing I picked out words like 'condescending' and 'knuckle-dragging' Neanderthals'...'working me socks off' and...'get stuffed!'...etc...

Jemmy Jim Jams the Rabbit Mafia Godmother always says... In with anger and out with a clenched paw!

The good news is the Swear Box Fund is full now and I expect it will go to The Home for the Bewildered.

Watch your whiskers out there, bless you all.

Monday, 29 August 2011

Cat Mahjong

Good Afternoon dearest blog readers, I do hope you are all having a lovely bank holiday. It's a bit nippy around the ol' paws today isn't it, fortunately though I have got a lot of warm fluff.

I was having a very pleasant and sophisticated kind of afternoon in the very good company of dear Atticus. We were sipsey sipping our tea and playing his new Cat Mahjong game that his pen-pal Ning-Po had sent to him all the way from China.

We were having a lovely quiet time and I was all relaxed.... its then when all is happy n peaceful dear friends ( I expect I've told you before ) it is a time to WATCH YOUR WHISKERS!

The door flew open and there was a clanging n crashing as Gizzy Whizzie shot in from the Music Hall up the road. She was all caught up in the cymbals which she couldn't get off her paws.

She helps out you see dear readers with the Orchestra sometimes at the weekends as she's nifty on the drum kit and a mean dinger on the triangle.

Anyway she was all puffing n flustered up...she said " Quick quick..the piano player got taken poorly during the interval and the conductor asked the audience if anyone could stand in" (her eyes wide now) "Ohh dear Tatty Mudflinger has volunteered !" (GULP).

Atticus and I exchanged pained looks and we all dashed off up the Music Hall. The trouble is dear readers Tatty Mudflinger can indeed play the piano...but there is a snag...

The ONLY song Tatty can play on piano is 'Knees Up Mother Brown' and he plays it as it should be played enthusiastically with gusto in the true Cockney style ...just when you think its over he plays it again...and again ...and again...

Well its very very difficult to get him to stop as none of us would like to hurt his feelings but thank our lucky stars as Lavinia blew him a kiss and he was so shy he ran away! The curtain was lowered and Atticus invited us all back to his house for kippers and tea.

Bless you all and keep warm in your nesting materials - Ta Ta

Monday, 22 August 2011

Atticus and the Katy Cider Apples

Good Evening to you all and thank you very much for popping in to read my little blog. I do hope you are all tickerty-boo.

Well dear readers, we have been busy....Atticus built a gigantic cider apple press and invited us all to come over and try some of his Katy Cider Variety. Cider making is a pretty scientific malarky and he had a few explosive cider bottles but all's well. Atticus needed some help with the next cider batch so we put a ladder up for Tatty Mudflinger to climb and turn the press. I held the ladder as it was pretty wibbley wibblesome.

Jemmy Jim-Jams helped with quality control and little Gizzy stuck on the bottle the end of the day we all had sticky labels stuck to us. Jemmy was so impressed with everything she's up to her usual wheelie dealing and Atticus is going to up production - another business venture!

Anyway, bless you all out there and especially to all you fruit pickers - watch your whiskers out there for waspies and falling apples!

Ta Ta

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Go on... SMILE !

Hello there dear friendly folk and thank you very much for parking up to read my little blog.

Well...I dunno about you lot but some days are just a bit kind of flat n dreary, you know what I mean.....we were all sitting in the Cocktail Bar and none of us had any dosh to buy anything boozy n colourful. Tatty Mudflinger could not get up the courage to ask Lavinia to marry him, Jemmy hadn't had any wild crinkly cabbage spinning ideas, a goose had gawn poo on Atticus' telescope so he couldn't see Venus anymore, Gizzy dropped her motorbike key down a drain and I was just plain cheesed off as 'er hadn't got any kippers for tea for ages....(s i g h ).....

Well...what a rum 'ol lot we look...

Suddenly little Angus the marmalade kitten dashed in with a megaphone and yelled...

He made us all jump out of our fur! What a shock but we all did as he said and SMILED!

It's a funny ol thing this smiling larky, it's catching you know. Try it dear readers, even if you are feeling like your whiskers have drooped lower than they can go. Smile and it makes you happy. Jemmy stuck her tongue out as she never takes orders from anyone  but we all cheered up and stopped thinking about what had gone wrong and what we didn't have.

Atticus suddenly hopped up and said we should all come over to his house as he had built a cider press and it was time to test his Katy Red Apple Variety and invited us to a game of croquet!  Ill tell you all about it soon dear readers but for now...SMILE! Why don't ya!? It doesn't cost ya - so go on!

Tatty Bye now and take care of your pals.

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Spanner In The Works

Good Evening dear friendly blog readers, I do hope you are all tickerty boo.

The Chief of Police called round the other night as some irritating things were getting up his big nose and he asked Jemmy Jim Jams to pop up to London to help him out.. ' Jemmy Style'..(gulp) She left the bunker with her violin case and a heat seeking missile kit that she had been longing to try out since acquiring it up the pub.. She seemed happy so its been quiet without her .....too quiet in fact...

So quiet I could hear the boiler dripping....
 Drip...drip....drip....drip....drip......drip....drip....drip....blinking dripperty drip drip !!!! Well it got on my wick didn't it dear friends! I peered into the  boiler cupboard and was firstly nearly knocked out by the cheesy waft of an old abandoned baseball boot. Cynthia the Spider was hanging out in there too and it was all damp n 'orrible.

In these tough economical times my tabby brain told me to go fetch a spanner n tighten up...something that was causing the extremely irritating drip. I found a big spanner in my tool box and Cynthia the Spider started kicking off with her eight hairy legs swinging about! " Don't do it! " she shouted....but I walloped the drippy pipe and....

Ahhhrrrrrrrr! A tidal-wave engulfed by tabby body and Cynthia and I were whooshed out the cupboard!

I had to call in an I phoned little Gizzy Whizzie as she can mend anything!

Gizzy came prepared with a snorkle n flippers and her pink spanner and soon fixed it! Isn't she marvelous.We also noticed Id got slimmer when drenched as its my fur that makes me look so ....huggable n squidgy.

Gizzy helped me mop up the disaster scene before 'er what feeds me got home. I thought Gizzy had got a giant cheddar cheese under her arm at first but it was a sponge from the Gizzy Whizzie Car Wash. We got it all sorted out and made a big pot of tea to recover.

Ta Ta and don't forget, watch your whiskers out there.

Sunday, 7 August 2011

You Are What You Eat ..

Good Afternoon dearest blog readers, I do hope you are all keeping well and enjoying your weekend.

I regret to report that your ol' Idgie the Wild Cat MacVity has had a bit of bother...

My poor ol furry belly took a turn for the worse and I think it has something to do with the Deluxe Slimming Bics, they taste like coconut matting crossed with old sandal... 
I felt really rather churny and I floluped home to 'er what feeds me for the full sympathy, care n worship I deserve ...
Er was naturally upset with herself for shelling out for this pricey diet food, I keep telling her I'm not fat, I just have short tabby legs...well I got to rest up on a nice soft bed and 'er was very confused about the diet bics...

Honestly dear readers they taste blinkin awful,- Id waste away but fortunately the Piglet Possy were having Chicken Chow Mein Noodles at dinner time and invited me to have a plate full. I am real dexterous with my tabby paws so can work the ol chop sticks well after years of experience...

I thanked the Piglets very much then I had a little snooze on the canal bank to let the noodles go down.


I was a woken by the smell of Irish Sausages cooking, Paddy waved at me from the galley window of his boat and invited me in for sausages n mash with a thick onion gravy all swooshed down with a big can of lager lime fizz.

Well I have to say it was lovely to see Paddy and heard all his stories. The sun was getting low in the sky so I thanked Paddy very much and ambled orf in the direction of home. I was just passing Gizzy Whizzies Garage and I heard Gizzy whistle and wave her little paw..

She had just whizzie whizzed up a big jug full of strawberry smoothie and invited me to share it...

Ooo I do love a special strawberry smoothie, Gizzy is the BEST at making them in the whole universe. I looked up at the Garage clock and suddenly realised it was my tea time at home. I apologised for leaving so sudden to Gizzy but I must not be late for ' er what feeds me. I scampered as best I could a round the corner and then felt very very sick. It was the thought dear readers of those horrible coconut matting biscuits, this dieting malarky doesn't work, I means I know I'm not built like a racing snake but I do have short tabby legs.

Bless you all on the Coconut Matting diet, my sympathy to you! Ta Ta

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Raspberry Reserve

Good Evening dear friendly folk and thank you very much for reading my little blog.

Today I had a phone call from the Treacle Mines where 'er what feeds me works. Despite the newly supplied health n safety gear of radioactive yellow and illuminous orange 'er managed to succumb to the sickly toxic waft of the brown sticky stuff that surrounds 'er every day.

Er had to be stretchered out of the treacle mine suffering from the symptoms of noxious tedium so we went to collect her...

I have to say dear friends I was understandably beside myself with worry as all this business could mess up my feeding time!

Well fear ye not! We dragged her in the flat and my boss Jemmy Jim Jams just so happened to have a drop of the ol' Raspberry Reserve Liqueur for emergencies like this.

A few little sipsey slurples of that put 'er right in a few seconds so I can relax !

Cheerie-pip for now and sleep well in your nesting materials.