Friday, 29 April 2011

Royal Wedding

Good Afternoon to you all...what an exciting day!!

Yesterday Jemmy & I were given a Secret Mission to complete. I had to go to Buckingham Palace last night to meet The Queens Corgies by the back door...
It has been a very important job for generations that a chief taster gets to try samples of all that is to be consumed by the Royal Family at Buckingham Palace and I was selected as part of a Security Operation.
I tried jelly and ice cream, chicken and pies and volauvents..etc....

....but there was more than a hic-up.

I was so enthusiastic about the security job I started to eat the top tier of the Royal Wedding Cake! The Queens Corgies were distraught at first but recovered quickly as one must remain CALM in Crisis!

Luckily they had a Sainzboz Fruit Cake down in the kitchens and one of the Corgies had luckily got a Michelin Star in Icing decoration so my woolly bottom was saved!

I managed to hitch a lift down to Westminster with the Cavalry after an eventful food tasting. I hid under The King of Tonga's seat and kept in close communication with Jemmy.

She was disguised as a flower arrangement in Westminster Abbey and was keeping close surveillance for anyone from the Criminal Underworld and reporting back to the Chief of Police. Normally, this would be an act of 'grassing' but Jemmy had done a very special secret deal with the RAF in return for our security work.....

The Wedding and the security job was a fantastic success and Catherine was beautiful and the dress stunning -  Prince William looked so smart, I wiped away a little happy tear.

Jemmy & I hitched a lift back to Buckingham Palace with the Bridesmaids.

Jemmy signaled with her flag that something great was about to happen, the deal she had done with the RAF was for Gizzy Whizzie to have free expert flying lessons!

Cheerie-Pip and Bless you all.

Thursday, 28 April 2011

V.I.P. Woofet Visitors

....Good Evening dear friends...I hope you are all tickerty boo!

I'm typing to you top secret like n hush hush sneaky hush hush ...

Shhhh I'm sworn to secrecy but I can tell you this coz its you.....

Jemmy Jim Jams and I got visited today by two very big and important dogs. We wore dark glasses so they couldn't recognise us as one was the Chief of Police Mascot and the other was RAF Squadron Leader.

I was all up for legging it to be true as I thought it was coz of all that stash of catnip and we was gonna get arrested and thrown in a cattery but Jem said to act cool.. (gulp)

ACT COOL!! ??? She sez to me she's gonna handle all the talking and if there was any bother they wouldn't stand a chance against us two in a fight!??? Honestly dear Blog Readers that Rabbit is not 'The Godmother' Mafia Rabbit for nothing, she's tough as a pickled n toasted conker!

They said they were prepared to kindly turn a blind eye to the the strange explosions, kipper & bra thieving and other odd goings on if they could borrow our services ...

That's all I can say for now...but tune in tomorrow if you're curious!

Sleep Well  and Cheerie-Pip.

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Sizzling Sixth Sense

Good Evening dear friendly folk, do hope you are all tickerty-boo.

Now, I expect you know that us Moggies have a Sixth Sense and I know when somethings gonna kick off by the twangy state of my whiskers. I know a storm is coming for example and I can pin point a kipper cooking on a large housing estate.

I picked up on the funny ol' vibes, my whiskers twangy as banjo strings. I just knew 'er what feeds me was all hair, red faced n gritted gnashers behind the wheel coming home from the office at the treacle mines.

(Violin music now....)

If your best friend or the one what loves n feeds you was in a place where the windows had been fused shut due to the traffic noise n fumes...the temperature is 30 inside and no air conditioning and everyone's'd send them some sympathetic vibes wouldnt you!?

(Right..CUT THE VIOLINS..they get up my nose!)

Yesterday was Special Indian Head Massage, today its Peppermint Foot Cream, pongs real nice, a bit of the ol' reflexology larky on the paws is a brilliant way to get some peace and keeps 'er out of 'The Home for the Bewildered'.

Bless you all, stay cool n minty - Good Night.

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Indian Head Massage

Good Evening to you all dear blog readers and thank you very much for popping in...

Well...'er what feeds me had to go to work today and she has come home very tired ZZZzzzz

It's very important indeed that she doesn't get beyond frazzled and end up in the Home for the Bewildered, as it could mess up my dinner time table.

So I gave her a special Indian Head Massage...I highly recommend it for the frazzled n those teetering on the edge of world bewilderment. Bless you & sleep well in your nesting materials.

Cheerie pip until next time.

Monday, 25 April 2011

Crazy Dog

Good Morning dear friends, I do hope you are having a very relaxing holiday...
We were all snoozing in the tulips ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz...and all was peaceful and as I've said before this is a time to WATCH YOUR WHISKERS ...
The Home for the Bewildered is just up the road and one of the dogs with bone separation issues had not taken his daisy dust tea medicine and leapt over the fence and was bounding in and out of the gardens, weaving down the roads and all frazzle haired and saliva..." Wherez me bone...Wherez me bone", he barked all over the place...
Every sleepy woolly, bird & bug for a mile around dived for cover. Tatty Muckflinger and Atticus leapt up on the roof of a beat up car and Gizzy scrambled up onto a motorbike, I shot up on top of a wheelie bin and we waited until the swirly whirly boogle eyed hound had gawn! My poor ol' ticker pounding ...I checked round n about to make sure all the Kit-Kat Gang were safe and then we heard a faint...HELP!!
A small marmalade kitten called Angus had zoomed up a tree and gone so high he could not get down. He wobbled and cried and we tried to talk him down the swingy branches. Jemmy would have known what to do but she had gawn out for the day to go clay shooting. There was only one thing left to do...I had to go get 'er what feeds me...
'Er had just had her breakfast of boiled eggs n soldiers and she understands my meooowin and frantic waving so came leggin it in her action wellies with a chair.

Little Angus was all hot and thirsty but made it back to earth safely.

Take good care all of you and cheerie-pip.

Sunday, 24 April 2011

The Easter Bunny

Good Morning dear friends and HAPPY EASTER to you all....and it is indeed a Happy Easter due to the quick actions of ‘Hav-a-go’ Hare and ‘The Godmother Rabbit’,  Jemmy Jim Jams.
The sun had just gawn down so it was all a glowy n sillohettey in the fields ...the hedgerows a buzzing n verdant by day was now still as all the buzzers n busiers had gawn to their nesting materials. Jemmy and I was just hopping on home to our bedding, when through the long wavy grass burst out ‘Have-a go' Hare all bouncy n flustered up in his boxing gloves n boots.
“Jemmy! Sum ‘ink real bad ‘appening  up on The Clumps - You gotta come now n prevent a disaster.”
Jemmy n I never ever went up to The Clumps Woodland after dark, not coz we are scared or nuffink but coz there was some funny Primitive Tribe of Wild Brown Rabbits who was into Ancient Magic n Mystical Moon Worship.
We crawled up the hill commando like which I’m ever so good at and we peered through a bramble thicket so see all the wild rabbits hopping about n wailing at the moon. What a blinkin’ racket and weird, I’d just about had enough of the weird chanting n was shuffling my woolly behind round to creep away when it all went silent. The Elder Rabbit spoke to all his Tribe, “ let us PRAY to the Moon Goddess to send The Great White Easter Rabbit to save us all from a Massacre, them Humanbean Snarers n Lampers are all in the pub but will be a coming soon up the hill to do for us!”.  There was lots of crying and wailing and the baby brown bunnies hid in the big bunnies fur. Pray now and bring your clover n new spring shoots to the alter for the Moon Goddess. Have Faith that ‘ The Great White Rabbit’ will come and Save us from the Easter Menu at the pub!
“See told you”, sez 'Hav-a-go' Hare, them wild ol’ bunnies think gifts to the Moon Goddess is gonna stop them Snarers n Lampers at The Poachers Pot Pub coming up the Clumps n duffing um all in.
Not on my Manor!”, sez Jem!
In a Flash of a whisker  ‘The Old Kit Kat Gang’ was assembled and all of Jems Mafia contacts on the patch.  Jems gets up on a straw bale wearing her bowler  and holding her violin case which is a signal that something BIG is gonna kick off...Jem says dramatically to us all...
”We shall fight on the Beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender....”
As part of Gizzy Whizzies Project she had been developing ejector seats and parachutes using Atticus designs  and the three Parachute packs had been made but the mechanism for being fired into the sky was not full proof yet but it was now an Emergency. The Kit-Kat Gang had acquired a Big Union Jack Bra from the Rectory washing line and we used it to propel Jemmy , Gizzy and I into the air so we could parachute down to The Poachers Pot pub.  I threaded mouldy tatties up the exhaust pipes of the waggons n Jem pumped schnappsie into the beer lines. Gizzy removed all the landrover lamp bulbs.
Whilst we were there, Digger the Mole took all that could  handle schanappsie explosives down to the road from the Pub to The Clumps to blow gigantic potholes in to the tarmac. The Rest of The Kit Kat Gang put Council Flood Warning signs up and Tree Fallen & Gas Leak signs to deter humanbeans.
It was hectic but dear blog readers...The Great White Rabbit did come to the Rescue ...not exactly beamed from the Moon Goddess but all lives were saved and Easter is a happy day for one and all!
Have a loverly Easter break, go safe on your paws and cheerie-pip till next time.. 

Friday, 22 April 2011

Atticus and the Telescope

Good Morning dear friends, what a beautiful sunny day and it's a Bank Holiday so 'er what feeds me is quite chirpy and twinkerly peepered!

Last night I got home extremely late and 'er wasn't happy as she had even more grey hairs and that frazzled expression of worry, which I am sorry about coz I know she loves me BIG!!

I had such a great evening dearest blog readers as I eventually arrived at Atticus' House which is really an old Observatory. He draws lots and lots of charts and maps not just of the stars but of machines and buildings too. He always says ..." Lets have a nice cuppa tea young Idgie" which is always a jolly good start to conversation don't you reckon?

He always lets me have a sweeping view of the Universe with the giganticus telescope as I got high hopes of spotting a UFO. I'm not that hot-pawed at moving the telescope but Atticus pointed out a star constellation called 'The Big Kipper'. Then, I saw a bright big yellow planet. Atticus and I got very excited indeed. He was looking all through his books and charts and thought it very mysterious that it was so low on the horizon. I twizzled the focus and I nearly fell off my cushion as this planet had its name written on it in red letters. Atticus was scratching his head all bewildered like and asked me to read it out. ..I proudly announced I'd discovered the Planet Lidl! Atticus was chuckling as I'd focused in on a supermarket Logo! Atticus very kindly patted my woolly head and said all this talk of Big Kippers had made him hungry and asked if I'd like to join him for a fishy snaffling....yum yum.

It was ever so late when I left with the Blue Prints for Jemmy.

Have a loverly bank holiday and Cheerie Pip till next time.

Monday, 18 April 2011


Dearest Blog Reader - Good Evening to ya!

I had a super time on the Woofet Ferry, Paddy and I cooked up all the sausages in the Gally and we snuffled um up quick.
'Er what feeds me has me on this daft diet so dont tell 'er or I be in a whole ka-fluffle! With my tummy full of Irish finest sausage I lolloped over the fields but I come over all sleepy n snoozy..woozey..floppsie..zzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


I was awoken by a great rumberling. I feared for my whiskers dear readers. In my state  of snoozy slumberdom I thought a great earth quake had hit but it turned out to be Digger the Mole.

I expect you all have come across the type...I bet you know what I mean, you know - them what really gets on your whiskers! A nice enough fellow with a Mrs Mole and Molettes n all that....but Blimey...what a know it all and does your bonce in! I could have ate him.... but regretably he's a contractor for Jemmy in Demolition and Excavation...(sigh)...what  a shame. Luckily, he has shocking eye-sight so before he gets glimpse of me I scarpered hot-paw over to Atticus's house to pick up the blue prints.

Anyway, snuggle you down friendly folk n sleep well in your nesting materials - talk to you soon.

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Pig Sty & AHOY!

Good Morning dear friends...

After the bath tub incident and the big bang, Jemmy-Jim-Jams was slightly ka-fluffled for a few seconds but she's as rough as a badgers bottom and was soon back to bunny mafia business.

She hopped orf and was in cahoots with Professor Atticus about some top secret blue-prints for Gizzy Whizzy's project. She said we would "hop on over" to Professor Atticus's in the morning. I don't know how she thinks that we could just "hop on over" to Atticus's place, as it is quite a journey for woolley's like ourselves.

Jemmy and I set orf up the fields and we could hear a deafening noise, it was rap music booming out of Pertunia Pigs Pad.

 Jemmy got up on the wall and there below was Petunia in a terrible temper. She said, "Oh Jemmy, the piglets have all got hoodies and formed a Piglet Possy, the place is like a PIG-STY! Since their Papa "THE SWINE" left me bringing up six piglets all on my own, things have got beyond a piggin' joke". Exasperated she said, "they won't turn the racket down".

(Dear readers, the piglets Papa Pig went orf on a trip to Denmark a little while ago with the lads after all havin' identical tattoos done saying "100% Danish", how odd...?!!?!. Jemmy's contact in Denmark reported that they'd all gone missing - but that's another story).

Jemmy instructed me to continue on to Atticus's house without her, as she was going to have a "WORD" with the Piglet Possy about respect for their Mum (gulp!).

As I scampered down to the canal, I heard the rap music go silent and some shrill squealing, (gulp!)

Now - I had to go furkle out the O'Sullivan Woofets who run a special ferry boat service in exchange for a supply of the finest Irish Sausages and tennis balls...

I'll tell you about the rest of the journey soon.


Thursday, 14 April 2011

The Big Bang

Dear Friendly Folk - I do hope you are all tickerty-boo this evening. It's been a rather alarming kind of day, so why not park up a while - take the weight off your paws and I'll tell you all what happened.
Jemmy Jim Jams - The Godmother Mafia Rabbit sorted out a a big card game round at Deirdre the Nanny Goats pen and a few of us went over for the game. Fearless Rat was there, so was Gizzy Whizzie and Ol' Tatty Muckflinger too. Professor Atticus came in at the last second, he has big fangs but Fearless Rat is under protection from The Rabbit Mafia movement so The Kit Kat Gang cant ever twirl him or anything sinister like that. We all sat round an old upturned bath and the game was going good, Jemmy was wearing her daft green dealers cap but we all kept stum and didn't giggle coz she would take it bad ...real bad. She lit up one of those giant stinky cigars and was chomping away when she flicked a bit of ash....

Thank our whiskers for Gizzy as she spotted that some of the straw had ignited right by one of the Tatty Schnappsie sample crates that Deirdre had kept for winter fuel.....

We all dived under the bath and....

It was a tight squeeze and it was all paws and claws. There we all were crampt up tight wondering if we should dare look out to see if it was safe, it was so hot under the tin bath and it wasn't till Deirdre's bad wind problem kicked in that we all shot out as we preferred our chances outside!

We were all fine but Deirdre has moved in to Tatty Muckflingers Barn. Now do yourselves a big favour dear friends, cigars are real bad for you so don't smoke ...coz you may not be as quick as us lot to find a bath tub!

Sleep well and see you soon, Ta Ta.

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Moggy to the Rescue

Good Evening to you all, thank you & thank you again for popping in to read my little blog and sorry for being off air or whatever you call it.... I have been on duty over this weekend and you can blame 'er what feeds me!
The garden was getting to be like a jungle which for a little ol' moggsie like myself is really fab hiding in the bongle-weed n leaping on dandelions but....'er had to go ferreting about looking for the done in garden mower. I say 'done in' as its no doubt Victorian as not electrically advanced, one of them shove it and hope the blades go round jobs. Unfortunately 'er found  the mower and tried to force it along giving it a wellie boot every time it got stuck ( which was often) I started to stress slightly about my tea as 'er turned the mower upside down and was trying to un-bung the thing when...... Owwwwwwww......nasty.....

So I had to go fetch the First Aid Kit as the mad woman tried to clean the mower blades with 'er bare mits!

Do yourselves a big favour NOW...go make sure you got a First Aid kit with stuff in know STUFF like plasters and bandages n all that ma-larky. It'll save you dearest Blog Reader from a whole heap of kafluffle - YOU KNOW IT MAKE SENSE!

Well...after Id fixed the poorly paw on 'er I thought all this bongle-weed chopping was over and Id be able to go skipping on over to see Gizzy`Whizzie at Tatty Mudflingers Barn but Noooooo! Just when you think its safe my dears...WATCH YOUR WHISKERS I SAY!
'Er has always been a big fan of Flight Officer Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) in the space science fiction film Aliens and I was fearful as 'er came out into the garden in overalls n boots with a big ol hedge zuzzar...what a terrible racket! I had to put my little ol tabby paws in my ear'oles!The zuzzing vibration made my whiskers go twangy all the while she was attacking the hedge....and when it was all over 'er couldn't even hold her cuppa tea without spilling it!

I'm pleased to say ' er what feeds me is feeling much better now and I don't have to worry about my tea being shaken all over place before it reaches my bowl.

Bless you all and go safely on your paws - please please make sure you got a first aid kit. Good Night

Thursday, 7 April 2011

To my dear friends - Good Evening to you all!
As you know Gizzy and I are now shifting our tools and engine to dear ol' Tatty Mudflingers Barn, which is in a bit of far flung secret rural location. It use to be a very wealthy farm but many moons ago the humanbeans what owned it went and legged it and left behind poor Tatty Mudflinger to fend for himself (violins please..sniff sniff). Tatty got very low indeed and very muddy and lost all care in the world, he was so alone, the farm became derelict and he moved into the broken down barn with a few rats to talk to...(sniff sniff...sniff sniff) CUT THE VIOLINS!!

Then one sunny morning, Jemmy the Mafia Godmother Rabbit was hopping through the field with me - we were scouting out for a good place to stash rather a lot of smuggled catnip (don't ask!). We found a huge pile of rather gawn-orff potatoes and on the top was Tatty Mudflinger singing 'Mash them Tattys Down' and twanging a banjo.

Suddenly Jemmy had one of her BIG BUNNY money spinning ideas and a deal was done with Tatty Mudflinger there and then. The Kit-Kat Gang under the instruction of the Godmother built a distillery in the barn and we produced what was called Tatty Schnappsie from all the potatoes. It was so strong, it could have bowled over a herd of rhino! Jemmy always kept a business head on and phoned NASA to see if they'd buy the lot off us for the Space Shuttle. She got put through to some Noreen on reception and she said NASA wouldn't do business with such a bad bunny. So not to be disheartened Jemmy sent some samples of Tatty Schnappsie to the  Transylvanian Mafia...we never heard back from them and its understood they were all done in....(Gulp). After that fiasco we hid all the Tatty Schnappsie in the Barn and its been there ever since. Gizzy and I are going to use a little drop in our engine so come back soon my friends to hear what happens to us next...

Look out for your pals & good night & Bless you all.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Rescue Rice Pudding

Good Evening to you all, do hope everyone is tickerty-boo.

After the soot explosion at Gizzy Whizzies Garage yesterday we have got to thinking our 'little project' isn't really little after all so we are moving it bit by bit across the fields to Tatty Muckflingers Barn where we have more space in case we have more hic-ups with the engine.

'Er what feeds me has come in all criss crossy eyed n frazzled from work so I'm making her Granny's Rescue Rice Pudding .
I will let you know soon how Gizzy and I are getting on at Tatty Muckflingers Barn, till then keep safe & warm in your nesting materials, bless you and Good Night.

Monday, 4 April 2011

It's been one of those days..

Good Evening dear friendly folk, well as you know some days can be more tricky than others and today things kind of back fired...
Poor little Gizzy and I managed to get the engine going on 'our little project' that we got going on down at Gizzy Whizzies Garage, it was spluttering a bit then it suddenly conked out. We both peered into the exhaust to see if it was blocked and suddenly KA- POW!! It blew Gizzy off her little paws and straight into me which was a soft I'm so..fluffy.
Gizzy had to have a bath, blimey she was so sooty there were black paw prints all up the walls and all round the bath tub. Er what feed me is gonna have a fit so I better go clean it up quick!

Keep your chins up friendly followers, all will be better tomorrow!

Sunday, 3 April 2011

OOoo 'ello friendly followers, do hope you are all doing jolly well. Its been a loverly spring day and 'er what feeds me has been out gallivanting leaving the coast clear for me to visit my little friend Gizzy who used to be the Kit Kat Gang getaway driver. She now runs Gizzy the Whizzie's Garage with her three big brothers. We have a little project on the go so I thought Id shuffle on round with my tools to lend a helping paw.
Gizzy is very small and is very good at tinkering about with oily old engines. ...
See you again soon, I gotta go and snaffle my tea now, cheerie-pip.