Sniffles n' Snuffles

Good morning dearest blog readers, thank you very much indeed for reading my little tabby blog.

I hope you are all very well and enjoying Wimbledon, despite all this persistent rain. Rain is nice for ducks and slugs I guess but like you I expect its really getting right on your whiskers now!

As you know your own dear Idgie the Cat got roughly FLUNG out of Wimbledon Court One after being caught by a hawk-eyed security bod for selling Jim Jam Strawberries without a licence. (Whoops!)

Fortunately Gizzy Whizzie has been doing excellent trading out on Murray Mount with Strawberry Smoothies. She's been dashing about like a wild fing between the showers wearing her little Wimbledon pinny and boater. Normally I am around to help her but I've had to stay home after the kafluffle with security.

In fact it turned out that I was needed at home as 'er what feeds me went Ka-Put with a Summer Lurgy. She's been coughing and sniffly snuffling so I've been liberally squirting lurgy-bug killer about and making sure 'er doesn't wriggle out of gluggin' down the cough gloop medicine (YUK!).

Poor Gizzy has been working flat out and can even de-stalks the strawberries in her sleep!

It wasn't till Thursday afternoon that suddenly Gizzy Whizzie nearly nose dived into the washing up in the back of the Stawberry Smoothy Trailer. She got a nasty cough and tried to struggle on with the Smoothie Sales...oooo dearie me......

Jemmy Jim Jams arrived at the trailer with the next batch of strawberries only to find poor Gizzy Ka-Splat and Ka-putten in a pool of sticky strawberry slush.

Jemmy made a quick rabbity phone call to a friend in the RAF and a Sea- King rescue helicopter was sent straight to them and very soon Gizzy was tucked up safe in bed. The RAF gave Gizzy some super pyjamas and Jemmy sent a huge bunch of flowers.

I've been very busy looking after Gizzy and 'er what feed me - you need to watch your whiskers out there as there is a nasty lurgy about that's for sure, I don't want anymore of you going Ka-Splat!

Jemmy is so excited about the Wimbledon final she has switched from Strawberry Smoothie sales to Strawberry Infused Champagne. Atticus has been helping her as he has a certain sophistication and charm to shift the stock!

Keep safe and well friendly followers and Taa Taa for now.

Caught In a Strawberry Jam

Good afternoon dearest blog readers ...

I am sorry for being off the whisker waves, we have been so busy with the strawberry picking and supplies for the tennis at Wimbledon this year. Unfortunately, this year has not gone quite as well as last years sales.

Annually, I always hoppity skippity under the noses of security and wheely dealy my tabby body around Court No.1 selling strawberries normally very successfully.

It was just rotten luck a new security fellow clocked me and chased me around the spectators seats on the opening day. I dropped my strawberry stash and vaulted onto the court, hastily circled the umpires chair but caught my back claw in the tennis net! I was roughly wrestled and rolled into a tennis towel and was carried off hissing n' spitting out of the court.

The Security fellow contacted the 'ers what feed me and there was a lot of huffing and puffing - verbal and hands on hips! I was let off eventually with a caution and told never to return!

Jemmy Jim Jams the Mafia Godmother luckily was understanding and said I better keep low for a while till the heat went off. This was a bit of a set back but Gizzy Whizzy has been flogging strawberry smoothies like a wild fing on Murray Mount and has made Jemmy a good profit.

Whilst we have all been busy with Wimbledon, Deirdre the Goat and Sebby Coo-Coo the Mafia Racing Pigeon held a Bingo Night extravaganza for the small local animals. Sebby Coo-Coo is excellent at calling out the Bingo Ball numbers. He's small and feathery but LOUD! On his way home from the Bingo Night he was flying over the Strawberry Polly-Tunnels by Tatty Mudflingers Barn. He has little beady eye balls and spotted some dodgy rats nicking the strawberries! Honestly dear readers, you need to nail everything down these days! Well Sebby landed on a window sill and started to Coo Coo Coo louder than an Air Raid Alert.

Tatty Mudflinger heard the noise straight away as he was giving the kittens their night time milk feed.

He legged it to the Rabbit Bunker door and roused Jemmy who came running along with a Bazuka Missile Launcher....it was just laying by the bunker door... with a few sticks of TNT and a tazer.

Sebby, Tatty and Jemmy chased the theiving rats through the strawberry polly tunnel and only one missile was fired. That was enough Jemmy thought to frighteen the whiskers off the intruders.

Jemmy was very proud of Sebby Coo-Coo and to reward him for his loud Coo Coo and Mafia Loyalty he was given a Mafia Gold Star.

Enjoy the tennis and I'll be back soon once the dust has settled - Watch your whiskers out there, taa taa for now.

Having Kittens

Good afternoon dearest blog readers, I do hope you are all having a lovely bank holiday and enjoying the Diamond Jubilee. Paddy took his boat to the Royal Flotilla Pageant yesterday. Er what feeds me got so drenched joining in the local Jubilee festivities it looked as if she had swam up the Thames. The flat looks like Madam Twankies laundry now with all the drippy coats, jeans and socks drying.

Gizzy and I have been very busy working in the garage for some time on a special Diamond Jubilee Dune Buggy and I have to say it now looks great. We were just having a little tea and jammy dodger break before giving it a test run.

Suddenly one of the Moon Worshipping Bunnies hopped breathlessly across the common with his bongo drum and revealed the Bongo Drum Communication Network had picked up a rumbling signal to say that there was an emergency up at Tatty Mudflingers Barn (gulp!). I was filled with panic as that is also the secret location of the Mafia Bunker and a stock of Schnappsie Moonshine fuel...

Gizzy and I leapt up into action fearing Jemmy had been raided. We jumped into the Jubilee Dune Buggy and sped off. Gizzy is mainly a mechanic but she is also the Mafia Kit Kat Gang get- away driver. We rocketed past the windmill on our newly fitted bouncy suspension wheels, we screeched past the Pheasant pub and accidentally got caught up in a long string of union jack bunting on our wing mirror. The route Gizzy took was off road and I turned the colour of pea soup gripping onto the reinforced roll bars. As we shot over the bumps who should appear...

Oooo No!! Its Sergeant Wilberforce with his Speed Trap Gun which looks like a big hairdryer.
 Recently dear friends I can tell you during the great deluges of rain the rivers have been flowing at an alarming rate and Sarg Wilberforce has been issuing speeding fines left, right and centre to all the ducks and geese as they zip along in the fast flowing river. This had caused many of the feathered community and small animals to have bad feeling and word has filtered back to Jemmy. She felt that some bunny bother may have to be dished out soon to Sarg Wilberforce... (gulp).

As the dune buggy bounced over the hill Sergeant Wilberforce clocked us! I knew we were in trouble then but to my horror Gizzy wildly took her paws off the steering wheel and stuck her tongue out at the Sargeant!

She blew a massive rude raspberry noise at him and then grabbing the wheel put her paw down and we shot out of Sarg Ws sight. Ooo I did feel ill and now Gizzy was deep in big bunny bumbles for sure!
We screeched to a halt outside Tatty Mudflingers barn and we charged in ready for a Mafia rumble!
Well dear blog readers...the emergency was clearly over and Tatty and Jemmy had everything under control.

WOW!!! Lavinia had given birth to four very healthy little fluffy marmalade kittens in the straw! Tatty had wrapped one in his hat and Jemmy looked all sparkly eyed cuddling the fourth and smallest one. Due to them all being born during the Royal Diamond Jubilee it was fitting they are called William, Harry, Kate and Lizzy! Ahrrrrr!

Later....I managed to tell Jemmy about the bother with Sarg Wilberforce. I thought she would kick off but the new baby kittens being born had mellowed her mood. She took us down into the bunker and disguised Gizzy in a fez and woolly black beard. She then made a phone call......

She reassured Gizzy that Sarg Wilberforce would soon be hanging up his speed trap gun. I was a bit befuddled about how exactly Jemmy would save Gizzy from being locked in NutsVille Jail...but as ever the bunny fixed everything. Mysteriously Sarg Wilberforce was caught on film in a rather compromising position with Busty Barker who Jemmy recently supplied with a large red energy saving light bulb and plush furnishings! 

Clearly Mrs Sargeant Wilberforce would not want to find out about this picture so all the little ducks, geese and Gizzy Whizzie were let off due a technical hic -up with the readings on a faulty speed trap gun! No doubt full of water due to all this rain!

Until next time, taaa taaa.

The Take-Away Song by Idgie the Cat

Good Afternoon dear friends, I apologise there aren't any  picciez today as 'er is feeling green n icky, I don't have much time so I've written a little song...

The Take-Away Song

Sitting on the door mat
At the Prince of Deli
A little tabby cat
With a rumberly belly

Ooh spare me Jalfrezzie
And a broken poppadom
Big green eyes don't work here
As I'm swiftly moved along

To the Cantonese now
I'm sitting on the bins
Some egg fried rice to go please
And a fizzy poppy drink

Ooh now I can smell a fishy
So go skipping to the chippy
There they've got a telly
That I watch n hold my belly

My!- Is that the time now!?
Ooh dearie dearie me
I better hurry up
Else I'll be late for my tea!


Sorry that was a bit daft I know but I really must leg it now! Cheerie Pip & bless you all.

The Return of Papa Pig

Good afternoon dearest blog readers ...I do hope you are all very well....

There was a misunderstanding this week with 'er what feeds me, I thought the ham slice was for me but...during my hasty gulp of the last bit it soon became apparent I'd wolfed her lunch! I had to make a quick exit weaving around chair legs and then into missile mode up the garden path and away to The Clumps Woodland. It was there I met the boss Jemmy Jim Jams who was trying to balance on one paw with her eyes shut...

Suddenly, one of the moon worshipping bunnies burst out of the woodland undergrowth with news from the Bongo Drum Communication Network. Jemmy fell off the log she was balancing on (clonk!).

The drums had said for Jemmy and I to meet Katya Hoppenorf at sun down by the old windmill where the UFO's fly....

I could tell you all about the UFO's dear readers but I'll leave that for another day. Jemmy and I dashed off to the windmill and waited for Katya to appear. The Bongo Drums were right and Katya hopped down the Windmill ladder in her little flying jacket. She explained she had been on a secret mission  and quite by accident she had discovered someone who had been missing for a very long time. Katya knew that Jemmy Jim Jams had been hunting high and low all over Europe trying to discover what had happened to Papa Pig after a lad's weekend away in Denmark.

Eventually, we had all faced the probability that Papa Pig had come to a sticky end. Left behind were Petunia and her six very delinquent piglets and they never got over Papa Pig going missing. Jemmy had done her very best to keep them all out of trouble.

Well...Jemmy's paw started to twitch which is never a good sign.....it turns out that Papa Pig had not gawn the way of the mincer but was the full porky pie - he had left his family and had become a Champion Wrestler.

A little later on.....

Jemmy told Katya and I to wait outside Papa Pigs changing room and not to come in, she had some bunny business to take care of...(Gulp).

Katya and I waited by the door and we heard some thumps n' crashes. I got a glass tumbler and listened at the door as I feared the ol' rabbit mafia boss would make sausages of Papa Pig!... on the other paw Papa Pig is massive, he is a champion wrestler and a bit of a chump... I could hear sobbing and wailing and I couldn't stand it any longer so I booted the door open...

Jemmy Jim Jams was wild with rage hopping about and waving a photograph of Petunia and the Piglet Possy under his big pink snout. Apparently Papa Pig had gone to Denmark, got a silly tattoo with the lads, went binge drinking...ate a dodgy kebab and then fell snout first over a wall.

Whilst out cold all his dosh was nicked and he couldn't get home so he started doing what he is good at to earn his ticket home...and that's wrestling. Weeks drifted into months and he went all over Europe winning at the wrestling. He wanted to call Petunia but as time drifted by he lost his nerve as he knew she would be very very angry with him!

Jemmy wasn't sure if all this was just a curly pig tale but she INSISTED Papa Pig get his trotters into gear as he was going to have to go home and apologise for abandoning his Mrs and piglets.

The next evening...

Under clear instructions from Jemmy I went up to Petunias Pig Sty to take her and the piglets to the Karaoke Bar. Petunia was excited as she doesn't get to go out very much for fun and the piglets thought Jemmy was going to do one of her Rabbit Raps for them, but....as we entered the Karaoke there was a gasp.

There with the microphone was Papa Pig and... encouraged... by Jemmy he began to sing an Elvis Presley song...'Always on my Mind'...

"Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should've said and done
I just never took the time

But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
I guess I never told you
That I am so happy that you're mine
If I made you feel second best
I'm so sorry I was blind

But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied
I'll keep you satisfied"

Whist the song was going on I scuttled tabby quick paw and removed Petunias Rolling Pin from her hand bag for health and safety reasons.

When the song ended there wasn't a dry eye ball in the place and the five piglets leapt up into Papa Pigs trotters! ( There are six piglets altogether but Lolly had scarpered along time ago... ). Petunia rummaged in her handbag for the rolling pin...but also her lip quivered as clearly this was 'a moment' of mixed emotions! She didn't know if she should lamp him one or kiss him!

 

Well...the piglets had got there Papa Pig back and I can tell you that Atticus will be handling all mediation talks and I accidentally dropped the rolling pin in the canal...(butter paws!! Hee Hee)

Ahhrr ...well I better get going now for my tea so do watch your whiskers out there, Taa Taa.

Ten Pin Bowling

Good Afternoon my dear friends, what a rainy ol' Bank Holiday it is, 'er what feeds me is all cheesed off as she had delusions of sea fishing and catching something big for OUR tea ...but it continues to piddly puddley down! (Sigh).
I was just getting the symptoms of hutch fever when thankfully Jemmy Jim Jams scampered in and told me we are all going Ten Pin Bowling. I dived into the cupboard (junk hole) and after much flinging n furkeling through 'er ol' tutt I found my big Bowling Ball which looks like a massive Edam Cheese. You need to be mighty careful not to drop it on your paws coz you wont 'alf know about it!!

Jemmy Jim Jams is super deadly at Ten Pin Bowling. It's useful she says to be accurate at lobbing stuff in our line of work. Petunia made Jemmy her own Hot Cross Bunny Bowling jacket but Jemmy never wears flappy harlequin bowling shoes. I must say they are sometimes a bit cheesy...(YUK!!!).

Jemmy always gets strikes, she's winning as usual but that's good news for us as if the  ol' bunny boss is happy, then its a blessing to us all.

Professor Atticus never wears the flappy harlequin shoes either as he likes to slide along wearing his fluffy moccasin slippers. Its a weird technique I have to say and isn't really successful as you can see by the big score board. I have the Bouncing Bomb technique which is alarmingly damaging mainly to the bowling alley floor but Jemmy has had all the floors reinforced especially for me. Gizzy has a super deadly back spin which can sometime rebound so everyone stands well back. Tatty Mudflinger LOVES Ten Pin Bowling and takes the marmalade kittens often. He has The Flinger throw and has a gigantic blue bowling ball.

Due to the successful crinkly cabbage scramble bike fund from yesterday, Jemmy is taking us all for big snaffling. Deirdre the Goat did so well in the betting office she's gawn to the Las Vegas Casinos for two weeks with Mystic Turkey!

Ta Ta for now and watch your whiskers out there!



Scrambling Action

Good Afternoon dearest blog readers, I do hope you are all very well on this Bank Holiday.

'Er what feeds me has been huffin' n puffin' every morning struggling to get her trouseys on for work due to the paunchy belly! He He! So....enough was enough....

'Er has been zooming along on an exercise bike this week and I've been in charge of the stop-watch.

Gizzy Whizzy has also been getting fit this week with her new pink spangly hula-hoopin'....

...but as you know dear friends hula hoopin isn't really fast or daring enough for our little Gizzy. She is a speed demon!

 Jemmy Jim Jams is never slow to pick up on advertising opportunities and mysteriously acquired a scrambling motorbike for Gizzy this week with the Jim Jam Enterprises sticker on the back. Gizzy was thrilled and donned her pink leathers n scrambling boots for action  Under instruction from Jemmy, The Kit Kat Gang put up Jim Jam  advertising boards all around the Speedway track and Deirdre the Goat has set up a betting office with Ronnie & Reggie piglet managing the door.  Gizzy has been showing off doing death defying stunt riding for the crowds !

Dear ol' Atti took this picture for the local paper. I am terrified she will do herself a mischief, so I went with all my first aid kit!

I'm happy to say Gizzy still has all her whiskers in place and Jemmy and Deirdre giggled and dragged a large sack of crinkly cabbage takings from the make shift bookies office back to the Mafia Bunker.

Ta Ta for now.